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Old Man (Free verse) by Rollsoftoiletpaper Old Man, Old Man. Where has the time gone?
I remember, I once feared you.
When you came in the night with your hand
held up high. I shut my eyes and loved you.
Old Man, Old Man. Where has your shield gone?
I remember, I once hurt too. When you told me
your lies and made us all cry. I shut my eyes
and loved you.
Old Man, Old Man. How dare you say that I've
done anything wrong in my life.
I know you don't care about the ring that you wear and still, Old Man, I
love you.
Up the ladder:
Sunday Legs
Down the ladder:
Damaged By 'Weakness'
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.6666665
Posted: October 9, 2004 7:46 AM PDT; Last modified: October 10, 2004 7:46 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.4482355 Overall Rank: 2969 Comments:
[7]
cuddlytiger17 @ 209.105.136.128
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9-Oct-04/4:01 PM
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Reply
3rd line needs an "r" on "you"
[n/a]
Rollsoftoiletpaper @ 152.163.100.65
> cuddlytiger17
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10-Oct-04/7:45 AM
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Reply
Oh yea, thanks, I'll fix that.
[7]
cuddlytiger17 @ 209.105.138.213
> Rollsoftoiletpaper
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10-Oct-04/6:10 PM
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Reply
ur welcome. :)
A mysterious, yet nice poem. We don't know who the 'Old Man' is and the repition of that phrase is very effective.
Seems to be about an abusive father. Not bad. I would maybe change this "How dare you say that I've
done anything wrong in my life." , but otherwise, not bad at all.
Yea, it was written about an sexually abusive father. What would you suggest to fix the line?
P.S. Thanks :D
Once I woke up to find that a thin old man was pressing his sagging buttocks against my face.
"Who are you?!" I muffledly asked, frantically secreting from my Panic-nozzle. "Parp!" replied the buttocks. 262 view(s)
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