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Old Man (Free verse) by Rollsoftoiletpaper
Old Man, Old Man. Where has the time gone? I remember, I once feared you. When you came in the night with your hand held up high. I shut my eyes and loved you. Old Man, Old Man. Where has your shield gone? I remember, I once hurt too. When you told me your lies and made us all cry. I shut my eyes and loved you. Old Man, Old Man. How dare you say that I've done anything wrong in my life. I know you don't care about the ring that you wear and still, Old Man, I love you.

Up the ladder: The Intellect Repeats
Down the ladder: A Rally

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.6666665
Weighted score: 5.4482355
Overall Rank: 2948
Posted: October 9, 2004 7:46 AM PDT; Last modified: October 10, 2004 7:46 AM PDT
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[7] cuddlytiger17 @ | 9-Oct-04/4:01 PM | Reply
3rd line needs an "r" on "you"
[n/a] Rollsoftoiletpaper @ > cuddlytiger17 | 10-Oct-04/7:45 AM | Reply
Oh yea, thanks, I'll fix that.
[7] cuddlytiger17 @ > Rollsoftoiletpaper | 10-Oct-04/6:10 PM | Reply
ur welcome. :)
[8] lukehanney @ | 10-Oct-04/1:18 PM | Reply
A mysterious, yet nice poem. We don't know who the 'Old Man' is and the repition of that phrase is very effective.
[7] wilco @ | 10-Oct-04/7:18 PM | Reply
Seems to be about an abusive father. Not bad. I would maybe change this "How dare you say that I've
done anything wrong in my life." , but otherwise, not bad at all.
[n/a] Rollsoftoiletpaper @ > wilco | 13-Oct-04/7:41 PM | Reply
Yea, it was written about an sexually abusive father. What would you suggest to fix the line?
P.S. Thanks :D
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ | 16-Oct-04/6:11 PM | Reply
Once I woke up to find that a thin old man was pressing his sagging buttocks against my face.

"Who are you?!" I muffledly asked, frantically secreting from my Panic-nozzle.

"Parp!" replied the buttocks.
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