poemranker ::Old Man by Rollsoftoiletpaper

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Free verse № 113588

Old Man

Member since 2004 · Posted 9 Oct 2004 · Edited 10 Oct 2004 · 7 comments

Old Man, Old Man. Where has the time gone? I remember, I once feared you. When you came in the night with your hand held up high. I shut my eyes and loved you. Old Man, Old Man. Where has your shield gone? I remember, I once hurt too. When you told me your lies and made us all cry. I shut my eyes and loved you. Old Man, Old Man. How dare you say that I've done anything wrong in my life. I know you don't care about the ring that you wear and still, Old Man, I love you.

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mean 6.67 weighted 5.45 rank 2962 views 262 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

7 comments

[7] cuddlytiger17 9-Oct-04/4:01 PM Reply
3rd line needs an "r" on "you"
[n/a] Rollsoftoiletpaper › cuddlytiger17 10-Oct-04/7:45 AM Reply
Oh yea, thanks, I'll fix that.
[7] cuddlytiger17 › Rollsoftoiletpaper 10-Oct-04/6:10 PM Reply
ur welcome. :)
[8] lukehanney 10-Oct-04/1:18 PM Reply
A mysterious, yet nice poem. We don't know who the 'Old Man' is and the repition of that phrase is very effective.
[7] wilco 10-Oct-04/7:18 PM Reply
Seems to be about an abusive father. Not bad. I would maybe change this "How dare you say that I've
done anything wrong in my life." , but otherwise, not bad at all.
[n/a] Rollsoftoiletpaper › wilco 13-Oct-04/7:41 PM Reply
Yea, it was written about an sexually abusive father. What would you suggest to fix the line?
P.S. Thanks :D
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 16-Oct-04/6:11 PM Reply
Once I woke up to find that a thin old man was pressing his sagging buttocks against my face.

"Who are you?!" I muffledly asked, frantically secreting from my Panic-nozzle.

"Parp!" replied the buttocks.