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Room 34 Ashford Hospital (Free verse) by Caducus
Her cold marbled hand left my grasp and the changeling appeared shrieking cunt, cunt. Pristine orderlies arrived Her eyes darkened to onyx crying for her Mummy as she combed her scalp, leaving ploughs of coral scurf. Sedated, she spoke my name, surrounded by snapshots of bygone holidays where she’d cover my shoulders from the sun, looking like a woman, and not a ghost haunted by this life before her. I leave her with something new, from old times hoping she’ll remember knowing that she won’t. I kiss her sanguine cheek whispering I love her, she pushes me away smiling with tears brining her eyes. inspired by 'The Arundel Tomb' by P.Larkin

Up the ladder: Disposal and Liberation
Down the ladder: Mi Pais

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Weighted score: 4.9525743
Overall Rank: 8885
Posted: October 11, 2004 5:12 AM PDT; Last modified: May 11, 2006 5:40 AM PDT
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Comments:
[10] zodiac @ 212.118.14.17 | 11-Oct-04/5:26 AM | Reply
I've found that effectively parodying this poem requires changing fewer than ten words. The last line, especially, should be changed to:

with brine-shrimp tearing at my eyes.

I do hope someone gives it a shot.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 82.39.16.109 | 11-Oct-04/5:46 AM | Reply
Oh goodness, your swear has sent shivers of naughtiness up and down my spine. Did you know that Hobos have a top speed of four miles per hour?
[7] daggatolar @ 80.179.102.34 | 11-Oct-04/6:38 AM | Reply
to be found out that your love means nothing, unable to stop the tears from rocking down from her eyes, you deserve this rejection
[n/a] Caducus @ 195.92.168.169 > daggatolar | 11-Oct-04/10:41 AM | Reply
Its about PArkinsons disease so i doubt the son deserved the rejection
[8] New Life Drug @ 69.107.3.231 | 12-Oct-04/9:59 PM | Reply
saweeeet I love disease
[8] Edna Sweetlove @ 81.178.117.218 | 15-May-06/4:48 PM | Reply
Very cunty funny.
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