| Re: the birds are bugs by ay deee |
13-Sep-05/2:42 AM |
"they have like a
violiny sound to them"-?
Y'all not yall.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
15-Sep-05/7:59 AM |
Does look like it could be cut down a stanza or two.
If you only refer to the protagonist as "I" then it will be assumed that I is the author. The "you" likewise will be assumed to be the reader. If this is not the case then refering to anyone else in the poem as only I or you and not giving enough info as to who they are is simply being vague.
It's the repetition of I's and you's that drag the poem.
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| Re: Seekers by Dovina |
16-Sep-05/7:18 AM |
Ironically nature is usually the inspiration for building designs.
Besides if man is part of nature shouldn't manmade objects be. Aren't beaver damns part of nature.
I think mankind tries to make itself more special than it is.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
16-Sep-05/7:26 AM |
Either:
I promptly shoot myself in a foot.
or
I'm promptly shooting myself in a foot.
Only one line in the whole poem does not contain the word I or My.
People hate that.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
16-Sep-05/7:31 AM |
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Ahh, I see you've joined the Church of Bethy.
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| Re: oh how far are we from wilderness by tianyi |
16-Sep-05/7:41 AM |
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I like everything except all the "Ohs". Makes you sound like Dorothy in Oz.
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| Re: Leaving Song by wilco |
16-Sep-05/7:47 AM |
PS: Oh and God? Could you make my penis grow another inch?...
Thanks God.
Hey there ladies.
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| Re: Creation by Quarton |
16-Sep-05/7:55 AM |
If Spock wrote poetry.
Get Kirk to spice it up a little.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
16-Sep-05/8:11 AM |
Some meter trouble in the first two stanzas.
It's getting there.
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| Re: Awakening by Quarton |
19-Sep-05/1:36 AM |
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| Re: untitled by starkfister |
19-Sep-05/1:41 AM |
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Your grasp of ebonics astounds me.
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| Re: untitled rhyme royal 1 by starkfister |
19-Sep-05/1:43 AM |
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| Re: Castle of Pandas III by FreeFormFixation |
19-Sep-05/1:47 AM |
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They say once you go panda you might loose a handa.
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| Re: My Name Is by hottemper26 |
19-Sep-05/1:49 AM |
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But when will your name be poet?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
19-Sep-05/2:03 AM |
Delivered a yacht huh?
"Berth" was the best word in the poem.
Pretty good.
costs $269,000.00 Used.
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| Re: Castle in the Clouds by TLRufener |
19-Sep-05/2:21 AM |
You're lying not laying.
I also think your lying the other way too.
Why shift into rhyme half way through.
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| Re: Across The Spectrum by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
19-Sep-05/2:25 AM |
Getting better.
Meter problems in stanza 2.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
21-Sep-05/6:26 AM |
Not a true Villanelle in that it doesn't really have the aba rhyme pattern ending with an abaa nor does it repeat the entire first and third line each alternating at the end of each stanza until the last stanza.
But still it's an impressive exercise in poetic restraint.
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| Re: "46 million babies a year" by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
21-Sep-05/1:46 PM |
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| Re: Elmer's Last Try by Dovina |
21-Sep-05/1:55 PM |
You forgot to end with th-th-th-that's all folks.
Sorry I tried so hard to resist it but failed.
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