poemranker ::20 most recent comments by ALChemy (521-540)

Comments byALChemy, 521–540 back. Include replies

on the birds are bugs by ay deee 13 Sep 2005, 2:42 AM
"they have like a
violiny sound to them"-?

Y'all not yall.
on some deleted poem 15 Sep 2005, 7:59 AM
Does look like it could be cut down a stanza or two.

If you only refer to the protagonist as "I" then it will be assumed that I is the author. The "you" likewise will be assumed to be the reader. If this is not the case then refering to anyone else in the poem as only I or you and not giving enough info as to who they are is simply being vague.
It's the repetition of I's and you's that drag the poem.
on some deleted poem 16 Sep 2005, 7:31 AM
Ahh, I see you've joined the Church of Bethy.
on Seekers by Dovina 16 Sep 2005, 7:18 AM
Ironically nature is usually the inspiration for building designs.

Besides if man is part of nature shouldn't manmade objects be. Aren't beaver damns part of nature.
I think mankind tries to make itself more special than it is.
on some deleted poem 16 Sep 2005, 7:26 AM
Either:

I promptly shoot myself in a foot.

or

I'm promptly shooting myself in a foot.

Only one line in the whole poem does not contain the word I or My.
People hate that.

on some deleted poem 16 Sep 2005, 8:11 AM
Some meter trouble in the first two stanzas.

It's getting there.
on oh how far are we from wilderness by tianyi 16 Sep 2005, 7:41 AM
I like everything except all the "Ohs". Makes you sound like Dorothy in Oz.
on Leaving Song by wilco 16 Sep 2005, 7:47 AM
PS: Oh and God? Could you make my penis grow another inch?...





Thanks God.







Hey there ladies.
on Creation by Quarton 16 Sep 2005, 7:55 AM
If Spock wrote poetry.

Get Kirk to spice it up a little.
on My Name Is by hottemper26 19 Sep 2005, 1:49 AM
But when will your name be poet?
on Awakening by Quarton 19 Sep 2005, 1:36 AM
Getting closer.
on untitled by starkfister 19 Sep 2005, 1:41 AM
Your grasp of ebonics astounds me.
on untitled rhyme royal 1 by starkfister 19 Sep 2005, 1:43 AM
Brilliant!
on Castle of Pandas III by FreeFormFixation 19 Sep 2005, 1:47 AM
They say once you go panda you might loose a handa.
on some deleted poem 19 Sep 2005, 2:03 AM
Delivered a yacht huh?
"Berth" was the best word in the poem.
Pretty good.

costs $269,000.00 Used.
on Castle in the Clouds by TLRufener 19 Sep 2005, 2:21 AM
You're lying not laying.

I also think your lying the other way too.

Why shift into rhyme half way through.
on Across The Spectrum by thepinkbunnyofdoom 19 Sep 2005, 2:25 AM
Getting better.

Meter problems in stanza 2.
on "46 million babies a year" by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 21 Sep 2005, 1:46 PM
Shitty poem.
on Elmer's Last Try by Dovina 21 Sep 2005, 1:55 PM
You forgot to end with th-th-th-that's all folks.



Sorry I tried so hard to resist it but failed.
on some deleted poem 21 Sep 2005, 6:26 AM
Not a true Villanelle in that it doesn't really have the aba rhyme pattern ending with an abaa nor does it repeat the entire first and third line each alternating at the end of each stanza until the last stanza.

But still it's an impressive exercise in poetic restraint.