poemranker ::oh how far are we from wilderness by tianyi

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Free verse № 131074

oh how far are we from wilderness

by tianyi

Member since 2005 · Posted 14 Sep 2005 · Edited 14 Sep 2005 · 6 comments

1 snake in the pool think of its tasseled back anemones rockpool jelly dripping caves seahorses strewn on the sand a man collects them sack cloth hunching along 2 oh how far are we from wilderness pressure pads on my face hour on hour what is this life that we live? not lasers and space, but pressurepads drag my forehead, oh how. i reach out to the past, but it's just laughable oh my, we are the survivors. but how i stretch for coolness on my pillow, warm it with my brow.

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mean 6.00 weighted 5.12 rank 5896 views 172 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

6 comments

[n/a] srh 15-Sep-05/2:58 PM Reply
This is great. Really draw out a lovely slow rhythm in the second part. Nice, subtle, beautiful.
[n/a] tianyi › srh 15-Sep-05/4:51 PM Reply
Wow, thankyou very much!
[10] zodiac 16-Sep-05/2:35 AM Reply
Great. And you've been reading Cannery Row, too. Extra points.
[n/a] tianyi › zodiac 16-Sep-05/4:18 AM Reply
Cannery Row? *Googles*
"Novel by John Steinbeck, published in 1945. Like most of Steinbeck's postwar work, Cannery Row is sentimental in tone while retaining the author's characteristic social criticism. Peopled by stereotypical good-natured bums and warm-hearted prostitutes living on the fringes of Monterey, Calif., the picaresque novel celebrates lowlifes who are poor but happy."

I've never heard of it, but I'll take the extra points!
[n/a] ALChemy 16-Sep-05/7:41 AM Reply
I like everything except all the "Ohs". Makes you sound like Dorothy in Oz.
[n/a] tianyi › ALChemy 16-Sep-05/10:07 AM Reply
Hahaha, that's great. Hehe. You just spoiled my own poem for me! The thing is, I probably say 'oh' a lot in real life too. And I'm a guy. You've got me questioning my sexuality.