| Re: Sailor Dress by sunset sky |
27-Apr-05/3:25 PM |
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| Re: a comment on Breakfast by James Rykelangeli |
27-Apr-05/3:14 PM |
No, no. You're right. My fault. My lack of vocabulary. I read "cresset" as meaning to be "crescent" and "champaign" as meaning to be "champagne." I thought you were drinking mimosas or something.
Honestly, I like it more having read it again. But I agree that I think it's maybe trying too hard.
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| Re: Your Mom, My Dad by jessicazee |
27-Apr-05/2:58 PM |
I really like this. This has the nice intimate touches that all poems should have. But what I got lost in was the (I assume intentional) rambling structure.
For instance, when I first read "the first time you threw up it was all Tootsie Rolls/Southern Comfort/cat hair," I read it as one unbroken thought, which made me wonder why someone would be throwing up cat hair.
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| Re: lost... by Tineke |
27-Apr-05/2:51 PM |
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Linkin Park? Is that you?
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| Re: The Watching Brother by forestchild7 |
27-Apr-05/2:50 PM |
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I'm not sure if this is a poem about Furries or Pagans. Either way.
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| Re: Swirls of light... by DevilTmptrss |
27-Apr-05/2:48 PM |
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ABAB rhyme schemes are almost never good. It comes off as forced.
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| Re: ebb flow by crwncka1 |
27-Apr-05/2:41 PM |
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A lot of Sound and Fury, as they say.
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| Re: Tunder by Bakar |
27-Apr-05/2:37 PM |
A native what? American? Is the last stanza supposed to be ironic?
There are subtle touches to this that I like, but they don't go anywhere at all.
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| Re: LIVE FROM CHEYENNE,WY. "The Forgeters!" by horus8 |
27-Apr-05/2:35 PM |
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Uh...what? Also, hey, whatever happened to Haikus just being, you know, one stanza?
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| Re: L'Ãtoile by Shardik |
27-Apr-05/2:26 PM |
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Ooh. This could be good if there were more to it. It seems less like poetry and more like "microfiction."
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| Re: Smoking Clitoris with PHD handles by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
27-Apr-05/2:21 PM |
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I liked the part about the Kamikaze pilot names. Everything else is nonsense. And not the good kind, either.
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| Re: Breakfast by James Rykelangeli |
26-Apr-05/8:28 PM |
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Aside from some typos, I really, really, really like the first two stanzas. After that, it's like, "I get it. Don't throttle it."
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| Re: Whales by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
26-Apr-05/3:53 PM |
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That last haiku seems really awkward and out of place with the other two.
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