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Breakfast (Free verse) by James Rykelangeli I like my sunshine sunny-side up.
The fork pierces to the yolk
to spark the fusion reaction
that fills my plate
with nourishing yellow light.
The gestation period for morning exuberance
is inversely proportional
to how many cups of dark matter are ingested
(but directly proportional
to the force of gravity later exerted on the eyelids.)
Through the kitchen window,
I see the cresset of the moon still hanging
in the pale morning sky.
I see the limpid brook
meandering through the champaign.
Burnt toast is an extraterrestrial landscape,
dead and scarred with craters.
Iâll dip it in the yolk,
Iâll soak it through and through with sunshine.
The unread newspaper waits,
silent and heavy,
deep and silent,
in my office down the hall.
The diaphanous moon
lingers still in the dawn.
The limpid brook feeds the champaign.
Up the ladder:
A Special Friend
Down the ladder:
See the Sun Overhead and Believe
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.3333335
Posted: April 26, 2005 12:58 AM PDT; Last modified: April 26, 2005 12:58 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.9205313 Overall Rank: 9535 Comments:
First 2 stanzas are very clever and quite amusing, after that you try to be too clever...let's face it, most people will think you've made a typo when you say 'cresset of the moon'. Or maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm simply retarded.
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You're a clever one, aren't you? What are you, like 12?
Look, just so you know I'm not some Neanderthal, I got a perfect score on the English section of the SAT and a near-perfect on GRE English, and if I were anywhere near you now I'd beat you up for your lunch money. I responded, um, incendiarily because of your smug response to the commenter above and because you're just a little thesaurophilic for your own good. I have to admit, I thought the brook feeding the champaign was rather clever - but it's clever only; it's not particularly artistic, well-put or, more importantly, evocative. That is, when you read this poem aloud to people, it's not going to give them an image of brooks feeding champaigns or nearly anything else. Don't lose all the clever words, but make this able to impress and evoke in people without them.
And scientific phrasing in poetry is overdone at least since Dovina started doing it.
Honestly, I like it more having read it again. But I agree that I think it's maybe trying too hard.