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Close To The Beginning (Sonnet) by RawPunkGirl
I waited months to get close to your face Hoping that night that my fream would be exposed Being dressed in my best, clothing and lace Twas my love for you not newly composed Friends that surround us that new cool night Both of us watched as they lost all senses No matter what was to come, I would fight All of the high feelings, we had less tenses Our dark alleyway bought us together I let you see how much my feelings meant Before departing it all got better Your heat onto mine is what you had lent I thought it would last further than it did But you broke my heart and I ran and hid.

Up the ladder: D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 4.3333335
Weighted score: 4.9205313
Overall Rank: 9491
Posted: November 13, 2005 8:58 AM PST; Last modified: November 13, 2005 8:58 AM PST
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Comments:
[7] Blindpoetry @ 70.172.225.193 | 13-Nov-05/3:04 PM | Reply
I find it very odd that I see you on multiple websites.
And i'm not even a stalker.

On another note:
Line 3: I think that 'Being dressed in my best...' should be changed. Keep the idea, but change the wording so it doesn't rhyme. Because it sounds horrible.

overall, though, I thought it was ok.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 | 13-Nov-05/9:17 PM | Reply
Fro the 1st stanza of Billy Collins' "Nightclub":

You are so beautiful and I am a fool
to be in love with you
is a theme that keeps coming up
in songs and poems.
There seems to be no room for variation.
I have never heard anyone sing
I am so beautiful
and you are a fool to be in love with me,
even though this notion has surely
crossed the minds of women and men alike.
You are so beautiful, too bad you are a fool
is another one you don't hear.
Or, you are a fool to consider me beautiful.
That one you will never hear, guaranteed.
[6] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 > ALChemy | 14-Nov-05/5:32 PM | Reply
I'd like to cash in on that guarantee: "you are a fool to consider me beautiful."
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > Dovina | 14-Nov-05/7:41 PM | Reply
Sorry no sell. You are woman, the origin of beauty.
[6] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 | 14-Nov-05/5:34 PM | Reply
So few poems end well. Life should end well, why not poems. Are all poets working against what should be?
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