poemranker ::Close To The Beginning by RawPunkGirl

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Sonnet № 133358

Close To The Beginning

Member since 2005 · Posted 13 Nov 2005 · 5 comments

I waited months to get close to your face Hoping that night that my fream would be exposed Being dressed in my best, clothing and lace Twas my love for you not newly composed Friends that surround us that new cool night Both of us watched as they lost all senses No matter what was to come, I would fight All of the high feelings, we had less tenses Our dark alleyway bought us together I let you see how much my feelings meant Before departing it all got better Your heat onto mine is what you had lent I thought it would last further than it did But you broke my heart and I ran and hid.

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3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

5 comments

[7] Blindpoetry 13-Nov-05/3:04 PM Reply
I find it very odd that I see you on multiple websites.
And i'm not even a stalker.

On another note:
Line 3: I think that 'Being dressed in my best...' should be changed. Keep the idea, but change the wording so it doesn't rhyme. Because it sounds horrible.

overall, though, I thought it was ok.
[n/a] ALChemy 13-Nov-05/9:17 PM Reply
Fro the 1st stanza of Billy Collins' "Nightclub":

You are so beautiful and I am a fool
to be in love with you
is a theme that keeps coming up
in songs and poems.
There seems to be no room for variation.
I have never heard anyone sing
I am so beautiful
and you are a fool to be in love with me,
even though this notion has surely
crossed the minds of women and men alike.
You are so beautiful, too bad you are a fool
is another one you don't hear.
Or, you are a fool to consider me beautiful.
That one you will never hear, guaranteed.
[6] Dovina › ALChemy 14-Nov-05/5:32 PM Reply
I'd like to cash in on that guarantee: "you are a fool to consider me beautiful."
[n/a] ALChemy › Dovina 14-Nov-05/7:41 PM Reply
Sorry no sell. You are woman, the origin of beauty.
[6] Dovina 14-Nov-05/5:34 PM Reply
So few poems end well. Life should end well, why not poems. Are all poets working against what should be?