| Re: Whales by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
26-Apr-05/3:53 PM |
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That last haiku seems really awkward and out of place with the other two.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Apr-05/8:24 PM |
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I really like the idea behind this (and especially the first stanza) but the word choice could be better. The words feel a little mundane. It doesn't quite flow together.
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| Re: Breakfast by James Rykelangeli |
26-Apr-05/8:28 PM |
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Aside from some typos, I really, really, really like the first two stanzas. After that, it's like, "I get it. Don't throttle it."
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
27-Apr-05/9:51 AM |
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That's not really a poem so much as it is a series of questions. And, if nothing else, I think poetry should answer more questions than it raises.
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| Re: Smoking Clitoris with PHD handles by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
27-Apr-05/2:21 PM |
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I liked the part about the Kamikaze pilot names. Everything else is nonsense. And not the good kind, either.
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| Re: L'Ãtoile by Shardik |
27-Apr-05/2:26 PM |
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Ooh. This could be good if there were more to it. It seems less like poetry and more like "microfiction."
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
27-Apr-05/2:32 PM |
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Too many metaphors. It also seems to take itself maybe a little too seriously, with all its pomp and grandiosity.
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| Re: LIVE FROM CHEYENNE,WY. "The Forgeters!" by horus8 |
27-Apr-05/2:35 PM |
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Uh...what? Also, hey, whatever happened to Haikus just being, you know, one stanza?
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| Re: Tunder by Bakar |
27-Apr-05/2:37 PM |
A native what? American? Is the last stanza supposed to be ironic?
There are subtle touches to this that I like, but they don't go anywhere at all.
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| Re: ebb flow by crwncka1 |
27-Apr-05/2:41 PM |
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A lot of Sound and Fury, as they say.
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| Re: Swirls of light... by DevilTmptrss |
27-Apr-05/2:48 PM |
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ABAB rhyme schemes are almost never good. It comes off as forced.
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| Re: The Watching Brother by forestchild7 |
27-Apr-05/2:50 PM |
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I'm not sure if this is a poem about Furries or Pagans. Either way.
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| Re: lost... by Tineke |
27-Apr-05/2:51 PM |
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Linkin Park? Is that you?
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| Re: Your Mom, My Dad by jessicazee |
27-Apr-05/2:58 PM |
I really like this. This has the nice intimate touches that all poems should have. But what I got lost in was the (I assume intentional) rambling structure.
For instance, when I first read "the first time you threw up it was all Tootsie Rolls/Southern Comfort/cat hair," I read it as one unbroken thought, which made me wonder why someone would be throwing up cat hair.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
27-Apr-05/3:23 PM |
I like this: "she wept for her baptism/throughout the exorcism/of demons as she came."
And this: "Song birds died on yolkless shells/The Atlantic left my shore/Leaving rotting shells"
A lot.
But there's got to be a better way to say "innards of emptiness" and the first two lines of the last stanza sort of tell the audience what they should already know from the rest of the poem, you know?
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| Re: Sailor Dress by sunset sky |
27-Apr-05/3:25 PM |
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