Re: a comment on phases of futility... by Bhaskaryya |
11-Nov-05/7:34 AM |
My appetite inclines towards 'strawberrish' or 'chocolatish'! (self-made words, mind you!)
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Re: a comment on I LOVE A PROSTITUTE by Bhaskaryya |
11-Nov-05/7:31 AM |
But the most controversial question is 'was Mary actually a prostitute?' Or was she as many say an honourable princess who was later defamed as a prostitute by the church to save their own reputation?
Questionable and controversial!
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Re: Headlines by Dovina |
10-Nov-05/7:36 PM |
Was this meant for a reciatel on BBC lol? Don't worry soon we are going to blame the air/water/plants,(....fill up the blank.....) everything for our pathetic plights and you'd have a lot more to write on.
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Re: trully, madly, deeply by Blindpoetry |
10-Nov-05/7:07 PM |
"Your lips are TOO* tight"
Anyway this has a lyrical feel to it and could work if put to some music. Needs a bit tweaking here and there I believe.
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Re: a comment on phases of futility... by Bhaskaryya |
10-Nov-05/6:29 PM |
If you used 'seasoned' as a synonym for 'seasonal' (not correctly, but in poetry it could work) don't you think it could well be a 'seasoned' mate? May be the two people met only once a year.
And 'seasoned' could mean 'evergreen' or 'experienced' too. May be he was (or could have been) a seasoned partner to her.
Such a tale might seem unimaginable to many but it's not so. For some people their first love is the love of a life-time for them. May be a wastage, but that's how it is.
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Re: a comment on phases of futility... by Bhaskaryya |
10-Nov-05/8:01 AM |
The '...' shows the story continues. It's a never ending cycle!
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Re: a comment on phases of futility... by Bhaskaryya |
10-Nov-05/8:00 AM |
I think I'll retain the THE as it refers to one particular thing. Leaves is a metaphor for memory and thus THE is is required.
Yes, if you look at the title, it opens the poem to a different level of interpretation and it has more beyond the surface.
The poem is about the three stanzas in the life of the man in question. The first is his youth where he loves this woman blindly and his love makes him pretty touchy and frgaile. But she's hard-hearted and remains unmoved by his affection.
Later, they develop a certain amount of friendship but it's still not enough to quench the thirst of the man. He offers her his friendship and love but it's still not enough for the woman to develop the long term relationship with him.
The third stanza looks more into the life of the woman. They are no longer together or even in touch. She too is now old as the oak and his memory passes by her sometimes and causes a momentary distress i her mind but even that passes of soon and she's back to her normal life.
Certain pahrases like 'seasoned mate' and 'too much is never enough' have deeper metaphors but then again, they are for the reader to figure out!
Thabks for reading!
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Re: a comment on I LOVE A PROSTITUTE by Bhaskaryya |
10-Nov-05/12:54 AM |
Hey, could you please tell me what does weighted score mean and how's it calculated?
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Re: Farm animals by INTRANSIT |
9-Nov-05/8:56 PM |
A great poem with some excellent metaphors. However, I hope you wouldn't mind me calling this a loose adaptation of the traditional ghazal. Ghazals are a passion with me and the traditional form comes along various rules and restrictions including rhymes and refrains.
This might help you a bit: http://allpoetry.com/Column/784848
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Re: Szaehling by MacFrantic |
9-Nov-05/8:41 PM |
you a computer nerd? Anyway, this was good!
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Re: a comment on I LOVE A PROSTITUTE by Bhaskaryya |
9-Nov-05/8:30 PM |
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Re: a comment on Sleep by ALChemy |
9-Nov-05/8:29 PM |
I actually meant that in jest! And anyway, it's a pretty common error.
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Re: Sleep by ALChemy |
9-Nov-05/6:56 AM |
The poem ofcourse is great but you've used 10+ syllables in a few line. Don't they break out of the pentameter?
And just couldn't resist nitpicking on this bit of a comment by you.
"actually excepted as a word"
Isn't that supposed to be 'accepted'?
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Re: Sonata for Robin and Poet by Dovina |
9-Nov-05/6:49 AM |
Why hold a candle in a bright blue day? Anyway, this was light-hearted and funny. A great read!
I loved the 3rd and 4th stanzas especially!
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Re: a comment on I LOVE A PROSTITUTE by Bhaskaryya |
9-Nov-05/6:38 AM |
Thanks a lot for commenting. "Prostitute' here was more inclined toward Mary Magdalene. There are few more metaphorical elements within the poem (including the structure too) but I guess that's for the reader to figure out! :)
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Re: A Kiss Beneath The Blossom Tree by Caducus |
7-Nov-05/9:19 PM |
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Re: In (ghazal) by INTRANSIT |
21-May-05/2:16 AM |
Is this even a ghazal? I thought ghazals were a string of couplets which made sense individually too. (Like the pearl necklace which looks beautiful while strung together but is worthy of praise while viewed singularly too)
Ghazals have a certain refrain in the 2nd line of every couplet (and both lines of the first) added with a monorhyme before the refrain.
You need to address yourself in the last couplet (called signature couplet)
Well, there are around 50 rules to make a concrete ghazal and this follows none.
I like the content though.....6
PS: I don't post much on this site, but I'd put up few of my ghazals now if you'd like to look at them.
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Re: a comment on Forest Rain by bamf909 |
25-Feb-05/10:43 PM |
http://allpoetry.com/Column/423262
Here's a link that might help you. BTW, since you write in syllables and not onjis, even a 2-6-3 syllable poem on nature is a perfect haiku. May be that would make it easier at times if you fet stuck!
Thanks.
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Re: Itâs the Management by Dovina |
25-Feb-05/10:25 PM |
Lol..that was good.
By the way, what's the job of a fireman during earthquake disasters?? May be they do have work, just that I'm unaware of it! ;)
Nice poem!
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Re: Into the Wreckage by zodiac |
25-Feb-05/10:18 PM |
Beautiful work! I'd have loved to see this with the odd rhymes struck out but it was great nonetheless.
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