| Re: joyriding by Bill Z Bub |
1-Jan-03/10:59 PM |
|
this has good ideas, but seems very unfinished
|
|
|
 |
| Re: If I Could by little_angel_maria |
1-Jan-03/10:36 PM |
|
hey maria, nice to see you writing and rhyming. :]
|
|
|
|
| Re: ... by logun2002ya |
1-Jan-03/10:34 PM |
|
|
|
| Re: Second Attempt at Haiku by loneshadow29 |
1-Jan-03/10:33 PM |
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on Danse by Limness |
12-Dec-02/11:57 AM |
|
last line changed. unity hit it for why i started it that way.
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on Danse by Limness |
12-Dec-02/11:56 AM |
|
sorry rebecca. i changed it, then changed it back. i like 'twirl'. can't help myself.
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on Danse by Limness |
11-Dec-02/7:50 PM |
what would be better? 'whirl'? 'are caught in its sway'?
i am open to suggestion; this was a fast write, and will change, no doubt. the first line is a decade old; the rest is changed. so, speak...
|
|
|
|
| Re: TRIBUTE TO A FRIEND by Nicholas Monson |
5-Dec-02/7:21 AM |
|
entertaining. but i think you could do it better--it's choppy in places, and i have seen that you possess command enough to mend this.
|
|
|
|
| Re: HATTIE by Nicholas Monson |
5-Dec-02/7:19 AM |
|
great metaphors. ironically, i feel the affection and cautious lack of attractions. well-crafted, sir.
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on Never Alone at Night by Limness |
5-Dec-02/7:17 AM |
i think that 'quietus' has context clues enough to justify its use, and the assonance is the reason i chose it. it's a whispery word, which is where my grief walks now. and, it was an ending, a passing, because although he is still very alive for me, there is no 'us'; that entity is a dead hope.
i will have a look at yours. thanks.
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on Never Alone at Night by Limness |
3-Dec-02/1:17 PM |
|
thank you for your comments. in the line about quietus, my meaning is, before what was between us died, before he withdrew from me. i am not sure how to resolve the problem of who is being addressed; many of the pieces i write are written to him, for him. they are more intimate that way. i make the reader assume the role of voyeur. i hope it works.
|
|
|
|
| Re: broken bottles by richa |
30-Nov-02/4:56 PM |
|
gracious, this is gorgeous.
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on stung by Limness |
30-Nov-02/4:55 PM |
|
thank you. would you like to know the source?
|
|
|
|
| Re: Happy hour by flatliner |
18-Nov-02/6:10 PM |
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on "Why would I need to get in touch with you?" by Limness |
18-Nov-02/5:12 PM |
|
thanks. my reasoning? i like the two "nothing"s because it's more self-effacing that way--as my "i" is lowercase, and his is uppercase. and i'm keeping "didn't" instead of "did not" because his attitude towards me was so flip, so casual.
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on "Why would I need to get in touch with you?" by Limness |
18-Nov-02/1:57 PM |
better? it's so fucking close to home i can't see it, so i appreciate the help.
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on "Why would I need to get in touch with you?" by Limness |
18-Nov-02/6:09 AM |
i asked someone for their number; see title for their response. at least you can proudly say you earned a slam.
write what you see. forget about what others will think. so sayeth z.
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on without music by Limness |
13-Nov-02/7:25 AM |
|
can you help with suggestions, please?
|
|
|
|
| Re: Kindling by <~> |
11-Nov-02/6:41 PM |
|
what is up with the zeros? are you dead inside?
|
|
|
|
| Re: The Funnyman by Christof |
1-Nov-02/8:05 AM |
|
everyone has their own tropical spring these days, now don't they? how would we get on without them?
|
|
|
|
