Re: a comment on Within by drnick	13-Mar-07/10:22 AM
Hopefully, they will tire of themselves and go back to whatever amused them before bothering us here.
Re: A Question by poetry_rancour	13-Mar-07/10:21 AM
Beau is a boyfriend. But what is a "boo'? Anyway, a funny thought.
Re: a comment on A New Deal (Rewrite) by oneglove	13-Mar-07/10:18 AM
I had not heard of it either. But the way you describe it, the protest is the same as all the others. Not that it's a bad protest, only that we hear it so often, it tends to float on past unless endowed with unique ideas or phrasing.
Re: A New Deal (Rewrite) by oneglove	12-Mar-07/6:22 PM
Too much explaining and generalizing, where just showing the scene and the man's feelings would work better. With a well-worn topic like this, something unique is needed. I do like the Chorus.
Re: Just today by MacFrantic	12-Mar-07/6:18 PM
Pretty good.
Re: i feel so cold by minty871	12-Mar-07/6:15 PM
If you want to use street language, ok, but it's a bit off-putting as it comes only late in the poem. I bet this is a good song; like to hear it.
Re: Within by drnick	12-Mar-07/6:10 PM
Hey, please don't join them; you can do better.
Re: The Landscape by Sasha	12-Mar-07/6:09 PM
This place has become overrun with vermin while you were away. Not much to do here anymore, unless you want to discuss feces and the like. I always like your poems, and Desnos must be ok too, but how would I know? Best of luck wherever you post.
Re: Hurt by Bethy	9-Mar-07/1:18 PM
The first thing that comes to mind, besides liking this, is that the "faint signs of cracking" in your painted smile are something he might notice, but you might not. I'd put it third person, i.e. As he turned and walked away, the painted smile upon her face, . . .
Re: The ceremony of death by Prince of Void	4-Mar-07/3:21 PM
Don’t believe Rocky; this is not a good poem; he only agrees with your position. Hell, if I write about the virtue of zeroing, he’ll leap all over it. No, but if you do, he will. All he has for me is ‘honey bun” and “squeal.” “Of” on line 2 surely should be “of.” “Of buildings had laid in ruins” should surely lose the “had.” To name just a few.
Re: Taste of Ash (A long project barely beginning) by sliver	2-Mar-07/8:57 PM
First 2 lines are good. Then it runs amok, without more to go on.
Re: The Beginning by jessicazee	2-Mar-07/8:55 PM
It's sketchy, as if meant for some special person. I'd have to ask you to fill in the gaps before I could say much more.
Re: Quantum Reality by Quarton	2-Mar-07/8:50 PM
The title seems too narrow, since this is about more than quantum mechanics. It’s a kind of wandering theory of everything, where supernovae is misspelled. It’s a mixture of science and speculation, and edges on preaching. But you avoid that trap and stop after saying that we humans are, in your opinion, not separate entities as we suppose, but part of some organic whole. I’d like it better if it held closer to real science until the end, as it does in much of it, delaying “the inseparable cosmic web” idea. I think that would make your last verse more powerful.
Re: A Single Strand of Golden Yellow by Aetius	27-Feb-07/3:53 PM
It goes along well in the first half. Then the logic of yarn that was once a sweater being like a person thinking she's less bright than she imagines, escapes me.
Re: The Laws of Life by lrustagi	27-Feb-07/3:47 PM
It's an interesting attempt as unusual language. I'd prefer to see the Old English done with proper grammar though. You mix new and old in an interesting way, but if the old is not done properly, then people think you're just blabbing without having learned the form. A nice attempt at something different.
Re: a comment on A New Deal by oneglove	26-Feb-07/10:55 PM
Yeah, Dylan or Pete Seiger could have sung it. Not bad.
Re: You should not judge Until after death by Prince of Void	26-Feb-07/10:51 PM
I've stopped trying to shed a little optimism in your "lines in this fatal misery." Carry on.
Re: Shoe Thief by Blue Magpie	26-Feb-07/10:45 PM
It's cute and almost funny, but it rambles on and pays too much attention to rhyme.
Re: Thought by Quarton	26-Feb-07/10:43 PM
Yes, I am the center of the universe and all being surrounds me. If I am happy, the clouds are happy; sad, the sea is dark. Improve the grammar, as half.Italian advised on your last one, and clean up some superfluous language and you'll have a nice poem
Re: a comment on Firestorm by Dovina	25-Feb-07/9:22 AM
Go up the ridge from Echo Mountain, Past the stand of bug-killed pine Rest your candle-eyes in manzanita For the fire creeps that way And all is well