Poemranker [Poem: A New Deal (Rewrite)] [by oneglove] Thu Nov 21 19:14:25 PST 2024

Down on Pennsylvania They're puttin on a show But I'm here in Anacostia Waitin on death row Oh, we've come from all 4 corners From in and out of towns And color doesn't matter In Anacostia we're all brown America Is Burning to the ground When the ideals that we fought for Have all but let us down So hey there Mr. Government Man Can you spare a dime for me And my brothers who are dying Who fought to keep you free It's been 14 years since we returned Heroes from the war And marched right down that boulevard Where we're not welcome anymore My uniform was polished You said you'd give me my due Now my uniform's more tattered My souls gettin that way too (chorus) Hey now look here soldier Take a glance into my eyes You and me, we are the same We both have brothers who have died So what you planning, soldier? With that bayonet in hand Cause there's a time for taking orders And there's a time to take a stand (chorus) When brotherâs march And fathersâ betray And the ideals you fought for Have all passed away America is burning to the ground

[6] Dovina @ 75.82.86.162 | 12-Mar-07/6:22 PM | Reply

Too much explaining and generalizing, where just showing the scene and the man's feelings would work better. With a well-worn topic like this, something unique is needed. I do like the Chorus.

[n/a] oneglove @ 208.102.7.66 > Dovina | 13-Mar-07/3:16 AM | Reply

i had no idea the bonus army march washington was well-worn, in fact i had never heard of it until just before writing this.

[6] Dovina @ 75.82.86.162 > oneglove | 13-Mar-07/10:18 AM | Reply

I had not heard of it either. But the way you describe it, the protest is the same as all the others. Not that it's a bad protest, only that we hear it so often, it tends to float on past unless endowed with unique ideas or phrasing.