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Hurt (Free verse) by Bethy
As you turned and walked away, the painted smile upon my face, shows faint signs of cracking. Small droplets begin to form, at the corner of my eyes, and slowly, painfully, drift downward, pooling, dripping, from the fullness of my lips, and then vanish, in the knit of my sweater.

Up the ladder: Hum

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Weighted score: 5.2384057
Overall Rank: 4141
Posted: March 9, 2007 1:05 PM PST; Last modified: March 9, 2007 1:05 PM PST
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Comments:
[8] Dovina @ 75.82.86.162 | 9-Mar-07/1:18 PM | Reply
The first thing that comes to mind, besides liking this, is that the "faint signs of cracking" in your painted smile are something he might notice, but you might not. I'd put it third person, i.e.

As he turned and walked away,
the painted smile upon her face, . . .
[10] Dr Peter Douglas @ 80.225.220.178 | 10-Mar-07/2:35 PM | Reply
Hello Bethy
Thankyou for being kind about my poetry.
Sadly thanks to the likes of steve robbins,edna sweetlove, mrc***t and a few others i am leaving the site, i expect comments on my poems not very personal attacks. I will be moving to another site and i will email you with that site not via this public use.
Very best wishes to you
Peter.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 63.212.164.106 > Dr Peter Douglas | 11-Mar-07/9:53 AM | Reply
Any further visits to Bourani will be in vain. I do not think I have to explain why. You have gravely disappointed me.
[n/a] mr cunt @ 85.210.206.238 > Dr Peter Douglas | 11-Mar-07/10:56 AM | Reply
Good bye, asshole.
[n/a] mr cunt @ 85.210.206.238 > Dr Peter Douglas | 11-Mar-07/10:57 AM | Reply
But, dear Colin/Dr Peter, don't think we won't find you, unless you change your name to Colin Douglas, of course.
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