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Hurt (Free verse) by Bethy

As you turned and walked away, the painted smile upon my face, shows faint signs of cracking. Small droplets begin to form, at the corner of my eyes, and slowly, painfully, drift downward, pooling, dripping, from the fullness of my lips, and then vanish, in the knit of my sweater.

Dovina 9-Mar-07/1:18 PM
The first thing that comes to mind, besides liking this, is that the "faint signs of cracking" in your painted smile are something he might notice, but you might not. I'd put it third person, i.e.

As he turned and walked away,
the painted smile upon her face, . . .




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