Re: Mind's Eye by Sean Allen	8-Nov-04/7:55 PM
I think you could make this into a better poem by forgetting that someone told you villanelles are cool.
Re: Dark Everlasting by Sean Allen	8-Nov-04/7:51 PM
This is pretty good. I hope the last line is not about suicide, because if it is, then I take it back. The first verse is good. The last line of the second verse seems not to follow the theme. "and regret"??? "You can't see me so you forget." - why?
Re: a comment on The Roses by poetryman	8-Nov-04/7:37 PM
We know it's not about flowers. You're using flowers to say something. The problem is that your message is lost because the words do not flow, the flowers do not show. The idea is good, but the delivery is not.
Re: a comment on keep on digging by nentwined	8-Nov-04/7:21 PM
A list of diggables aint all that bad, of hells and edens, gold and rust, of brimstone hot and water cold. And when I've dug my last dark pit and crawled inside a padded box, You can carve on stone, "She tried real hard to dig out of all the stupid words she wrote."
Re: a comment on A Better God by Dovina	8-Nov-04/2:33 PM
If God is perfect, you cannot trump. I thought that was the topic.
Re: Just Shut Up! Everyone Just Shut Up! by MacFrantic	8-Nov-04/2:24 PM
Good, except for the diatribe title and first line. It's better to remain subtle.
Re: keep on digging by nentwined	8-Nov-04/2:21 PM
Gold is down there too, and a host of unseen and unseeable magnets. Digging can mean all these things and more. It seems like a listing of diggables.
Re: a comment on Beyond Love by Dovina	8-Nov-04/2:19 PM
I give you a poem; you ask for a book; I give you a book, you ask for a life. Been there.
Re: a comment on Beyond Love by Dovina	8-Nov-04/11:43 AM
Thank you so much for the help. New last line: “Raise old memories and young hopes, holding a clue to the hidden flaw and nature’s answer in codes like 07, 09, 16, 31, 41 46.”
Re: The huntsman's shame by Stephen Robins	8-Nov-04/10:32 AM
And with this statement, England declared war on Los Angeles today, asserting itself as the most lewd.
Re: Smoke by zodiac	8-Nov-04/10:27 AM
Such a complex way of talking. My head hurts.
Re: Caducus (destined to fall) by Caducus	8-Nov-04/10:12 AM
The first verse is great, except for heavenly mirth. It's all pretty good.
Re: a comment on Beyond Love by Dovina	8-Nov-04/10:04 AM
Perhaps "blip" is too strong. If I had a Thesaurus, I might look for a similar, but less hopeful word. I understand you’ve developed a knack for this and might be able to help.
Re: a comment on Beyond Love by Dovina	8-Nov-04/9:53 AM
No, not at the moment, but thank you for asking.
Re: a comment on A Better God by Dovina	8-Nov-04/9:51 AM
Aren't we kicking around the same idea?
Re: a comment on Fair Dianne by Dovina	8-Nov-04/9:47 AM
It's so nice to be loved for my nature, and it happens so very often here on Poemranker that I tend to become inconsiderate. But please Mr. Z, you're a married man.
Re: a comment on A Better God by Dovina	7-Nov-04/9:47 AM
The narrator clearly does not think God is perfect. The poem is a complaint against God, or to God if He reads Poemranker. Any prayer for God’s action assumes He is influenced by the human request, and therefore imperfect. Otherwise, He would not want prayer, would act without it, and would not ask for it. Maybe He enjoys our fussing about such stuff.
Re: a comment on Fair Dianne by Dovina	7-Nov-04/9:33 AM
Dumb doggie. Guess it's in his nature.
Re: a comment on Grandma's Prayer/Lord Reply by jroday	6-Nov-04/9:06 AM
No, jroday quoted it right. Would you like the reference?
Re: Geometry for Dyslexics by zodiac	6-Nov-04/7:00 AM
Gobbeldygoop.