regarding some deleted poem...	11-Dec-04/12:02 PM
Better
Re: Peptalk in the Dugout by Dovina	12-Dec-04/9:01 AM
(submitted for application to The Rutherford Club)
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Dec-04/9:17 AM
Why must you continually mock the fine standards the “brothers in word” have set forth for us as good and proper format for our submittals? Such jabs as Hollywood shoeshine Boy, Idiot Soup, and now this, go counter to the kindhearted, if sometimes lewd, guidance we have been receiving, don’t you think? Actually, you’ve added some pleasing nuances in this revision, if only they were in a more readable format.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Dec-04/9:30 AM
Of course you already know this is riddled with cliches and redundancies, so I won't mention them, but why can't you see the point of her coyness? If she loves you and says it outright, you'll be repulsed. Hints are all she can give.
Re: That One Time Last Summer, Remember? by jessicazee	12-Dec-04/9:37 AM
A improvement over "Going Camping," quite good, but I wish you'd remove that dripping shower.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Dec-04/10:01 AM
Great rhythm, a vivid picture. The only problem I see is that eyes are convex and do not magnify, but rather diminish the apparent size of objects reflected from them.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Dec-04/12:29 PM
The one you just posted, then deleted, is better.
Re: two by hendrimike	12-Dec-04/6:45 PM
The second verse is a bit preachy and some of the rhymes are forced, and it's wordy, but the idea is good and your feelings are good, and it's a good thing to say in some succinct way.
Re: Some Poem by jauser	12-Dec-04/6:47 PM
Try again when you're sober.
Re: A Glass of Milk Inagodadavida by EAger to Offend	12-Dec-04/6:56 PM
Your title is a confusingly worded sign in West Virginia. Once past it, the grass is green.
Re: The wreck of a Memphis-Atlanta Greyhound by zodiac	13-Dec-04/12:01 PM
You have written me a poem. How very touching. Of course you will take my saying so as facetious. But no. And to show my appreciation, I will comment at length, without slander or name calling, and with an only purpose of constructive feedback. It could not have been written during the accident, but after it, making the title not only too long, but confusing. Comma before “given” in versa 2. “always more-or-less the same” seems neither accurate, nor logically sound or even a line that says anything. Besides, the thought is expressed above. “’God-fearing’ once in his life, uncynically.” Doesn’t say much. Everyone does it once. Try “often.” The man who was thrown was on the bus, and the narrator was on the bus, else how could the narrator develop so detailed an opinion of him or know he had been in the lavatory. Yet the man flew over the dash (Do busses have dashes?) and through the windshield of the bus, while all of the other passengers were only pressed forward against seatbacks. The narrator had to have been sitting near the front of the bus to see the man’s flight after he penetrated the windshield, and remained in his seat during the flight, or at least not far from it, to notice the man’s expression. The thrown man probably landed on the car involved in the head-on collision (I assume it was head-on), yet no mention of it. When a bus hits a car head-on, and the driver of the car is not hurt badly, then the collision happened at low speed, which would cause little impact to the much-heavier bus. Okay, if you say so, but it seems the physics should be presented more believably if you want us to consider the philosophy. Saying, “the physics of the thing are suspect.” Isn’t enough. “up-falling rain of pebbled glass” Since you’ve opened this ethereal aspect, this line could be related to the thrown man’s character as you developed it above, bring cause to the result, bringing relevance to the collision. Just an idea.
Re: Oh well, shit happens by sir_heff	14-Dec-04/10:41 AM
How can a friend be un-bias (unbiased)? Do you mean to call her a witch?
Re: Love by RION12	14-Dec-04/10:43 AM
I wish to thank you for causing me to think about this. Please see my recent post.
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Dec-04/12:56 PM
You're kidding. Of course, you're kidding. Are you kidding? If you're not kidding, pray tell us why.
Re: Forsaken Love by Blue Magpie	14-Dec-04/4:20 PM
The first three lines introduce a worthy theme, something I wanted to see evolve. But the rest is only music, I'm afraid, good rhythm and rhyme. I enjoy music, but far more when it carries something.
Re: exercise by JoyLuck	15-Dec-04/10:14 AM
I gave you 7 because of the last line, which I take as mockery. Otherwise 5.
Re: Reality by blacksoul	16-Dec-04/1:15 PM
The rules of Haiku are precise, and this is not Haiku. Please call it Free Verse. It sounds like an opening statement in need of support or illustration, and capitalization of "Him." Often, when I comment on a religious poem, people think I am putting down the religion, but in this case I am not, only the way it's presented.
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Dec-04/1:29 PM
Funny. The title doesn't help, maybe "Discovery" or "Tubfull" or "Midnight Visitor"
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Dec-04/10:02 AM
"I will be good by not being me." good line. "and my Mother I suckled who gave me life" - clumsy. "embers' glow" "awake known."
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Dec-04/10:06 AM
I can relate to a mixture of feelings as I read this, even without knowing what it's about. Maybe that's the most one can hope for.