Re: Your sad goodbye by sanity	4-Jul-04/8:21 AM
I like the repeated line "Clouds above forming" with its shades of meaning, and rhyming lines 2 and 4. There must be a name for this. "Echoes as we part" or "Your sad goodbyes to me"
Re: summers' dream by sanity	4-Jul-04/8:23 AM
Sane, yes. Interesting, sorta.
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Jul-04/8:32 AM
Itsy Bitsy spider climbed up the water spout. It's a childhood tune a lot of us remember, and can be used to show the good thing you are attempting. Cutting this down to size and following the pattern of the song would make it a lot stronger.
Re: Chaos & his dreamchild (genesis) --Revised Edition-- by SupremeDreamer	4-Jul-04/8:45 AM
I like it because it provokes thinking about the possible "illusion of order and substance." Try leaving out "then" in the last verse.
Re: Tapestry Years by Quarton	4-Jul-04/10:00 AM
What a great future! I think even the footprints in time blow away. A tapestry carefully woven and inevitibly unraveled. Please see my comment on Time's End.
regarding some deleted poem...	5-Jul-04/9:03 AM
First verse is good because of the trap. How can knowing what to say stand up to the flutter of an eyelash? Tender and good.
Re: Tale of a mermaid by sanity	5-Jul-04/9:09 AM
I see the impassable path and your family's wrath, but not quite getting the last line. Was it really impassable?
Re: Paradelle of Progress by Dovina	5-Jul-04/9:14 AM
Note: The paradelle is one of the more demanding French fixed forms, first appearing in love poetry of the eleventh century. It’s a poem of four six-line stanzas in which the first and second lines, and the third and fourth lines, of the first three stanzas, must be identical. The fifth and sixth lines, which traditionally resolve these stanzas, must use all the words from the preceding lines and only those words. The final stanza must use every word from all the preceding stanzas and only those words. Here I have presented only the first stanza, hoping to perfect all six stanzas into a monumental epitaph. I can then die having accomplished a worthy life’s mission.
regarding some deleted poem...	5-Jul-04/9:23 AM
A charming interlude, if a bit long.
regarding some deleted poem...	5-Jul-04/9:33 AM
This, and your other poem about Mia, go together showing a lovely paring in a dismal home. I feel the pain and joy.
Re: Panic by Bobjim	5-Jul-04/9:34 AM
Cute.
Re: Urbane Jane by MacFrantic	5-Jul-04/2:35 PM
This is good. Good title. Try removing "confined to" from "an air of vanity, thus giving her some choice. "faltered ego" seems imprecise, maybe faulted.
Re: Rainbow by TwilightDawned	5-Jul-04/2:38 PM
Rainbows don't flicker. Other images are inaccurate of language. It's a common theme and hard to do well.
regarding some deleted poem...	5-Jul-04/2:43 PM
Maybe it's about the Middle East. Actually, yeast doesn't rise. Tell me titan 69 is wrong.
Re: Graveyards by TwilightDawned	5-Jul-04/3:19 PM
"alive" at the end adds several variations Line 2: "that draws my vision" Good
Re: Forbidden by Chasz Misleading	5-Jul-04/3:24 PM
Good, especially verse 2.
Re: Homeless by gavinduff	6-Jul-04/9:26 AM
Some punctuation would help. The first verse tells us he is ignorant, then you show us. Better to just tell the story, I think. This is a bit like a story, broken up into lines.
Re: Urbane Jane by MacFrantic	6-Jul-04/10:53 AM
Better.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Jul-04/12:28 PM
Yes, a bit cryptic, but lovingly nice.
Re: Bankruptcy (2) by INTRANSIT	6-Jul-04/12:56 PM
Run when the lions are lethargic. Good. I think you mean lions' shade.