| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Oct-02/6:16 AM |
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Bestride. Sorry. My typing...
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Oct-02/6:29 AM |
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I don't really care about Trakl and Baudelaire readng this - this is compact and punchy and expresses a huge story in one quatrain. The final clause is a real killer. Wish I'd written it.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Oct-02/6:35 AM |
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I like the structure of this - the way you look at a ring, stand back and look at the reasons why you had them made, and then go to close-up again - that distancing is crucial in establishing the regretful but resigned tone.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Oct-02/6:40 AM |
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Cunning rhyme scheme - is this terza rima? Very well handled anyway.
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| Re: The Poop Machines by dougsoderstrom |
23-Oct-02/7:44 AM |
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It's a fundamental truth.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Oct-02/8:00 AM |
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I wish I had a female friend who'd ogle girls with me though.
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| Re: Coloured waifs home by horus8 |
24-Oct-02/7:52 AM |
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Very wistful indeed, surprisingly for you. This is lovely.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
24-Oct-02/7:57 AM |
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And this bastard went on to become my Latin teacher. He is immortal, and Herakles has a lot to answer for.
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| Re: Daywalker by Blade |
25-Oct-02/4:22 AM |
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You sad sad little boy. When you write this stuff, do you think abouth things like, for instance, the people of who are killed randomly by a sniper? I don't for a minute think that you actually find that cool. So stop writing this stuff. Unless you do find it cool, in which case please seek help before the FBI find you.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
25-Oct-02/4:26 AM |
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| Re: My love for another. by cleverdevice |
25-Oct-02/4:28 AM |
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You deliver the rhymes pretty well. 'Babbling brook' is a bit cliched. But the feelings of loss and regret and sweetly drawn.
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| Re: Drinker's Haiku by cacophony |
25-Oct-02/6:19 AM |
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| Re: dream dream dream dream dream by nentwined |
25-Oct-02/7:26 AM |
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This post-modernism run wild - what is real? Is everything a reflection of everything else? And does any of it justify buying expensive trainers? I'm confused by the second line.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
25-Oct-02/7:34 AM |
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Is this finished now? I preferred it without the final stanza, as you know, but hey, what do I know. Stick with what makes you feel best about your poem. I still like it.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
25-Oct-02/7:35 AM |
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Interesting title...is this a reflection of your young self? A good snapshot.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
25-Oct-02/8:38 AM |
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Great first stanza and a cunning, undermining last line. This cuts through a lot of cant and nonsense. Ace.
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| Re: A Christmas Far From by daniella |
28-Oct-02/3:26 AM |
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Teasing, this. I like 'night'/'light out'.
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| Re: #9 by daniella |
28-Oct-02/3:29 AM |
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Great opening three stanzas - this poem gives up its meaning after a few reads. It's not immediate, but it draws you in.
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| Re: #10 by daniella |
28-Oct-02/3:31 AM |
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Memories like silverfish - very good. In fact I like all of the sea imagery here, it invokes a feeling of inevitable flux.
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| Re: Missing You by psychedelic |
28-Oct-02/7:28 AM |
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I don't know, I actually quite like the last line. Puts you succinctly into the situation.
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