The last verse is held hostage to a poeticism called "Internal Punctuation." Some poet had convinced me that it’s ok to leave out commas and periods at the ends of lines, and to include them only if they fall within a line. I think the idea might be bunk. The last verse, properly punctuated, is: My life reviewed and judged like this might be considered, in some dark hour, not just bunk, but, as in this ordinary time, for its just worth.

Nothing is more sure Than a change from nothing Than a new view of an old sight Nothing worth holding More than moments of silence, nothing More than hours no one could plan No sensation Like the feeling of complete And total surprise, like sunshine Out of nowhere No words Like the ones no one expects Nothing more real Than complete surrender

Better. Still the strong language in "You will not move . . " and in the last line, is off-putting. With those lines it's a war cry, and loses its strong beginning.

Yeah, for perhaps the first time in my life I agree with you. See the edit.

Then I think the sentence is unnecessarily jumbled to the point of incomprehensibility. It starts off well enough "My life reviewed and judged like this might be considered in some dark hour not just bunk" is fine, and seems to get at the point you want to make, which from what I gather is that people SHOULD do it in suicidal moments, but don't. Even adding "but as in this ordinary time" works - your life might be considered not just bunk but as [it's considered] in this ordinary time [i.e., worthwhile]. But you can't say, for example, "my life might be considered not just bunk for its just evaluation" which is grammatically, semantically, or whateverally equivalent to what you're saying. Do you see what I mean? To parse even further (but keep the grammar) you've got "My life might be considered for its evaluation". There's the problem. You can say "My life might be considered for its just value" or "My way of evaluating my life might be considered a just evaluation", but your life itself isn't being considered for evaluation. At the very least, you'd have to change "for" to "by" - and that's neither poetic nor particularly meaningful. Me, I'd change evaluation to "value", "worth", or "valuation".

I mean, I understand the need to build people up with some nice comment or a bit showing you get how clever they are, and in real life I do. But I don't think poemranker users care very much what anybody says to them one way or the other, so it's not like it matters. And personally, I don't think making music is a very nice metaphor for writing. Sorry.

Um. Do you?

I doubt even sliver would suggest that. All things considered, I think he's about two comments away from saying God preknows the number of people who will pray for a certain outcome, which happens to be the exact number he requires to provide that outcome, which happens to be the outcome he wanted anyway. And then we'll all be swimming in it. Consider: Far fewer people prayed for Terri Schiavo to be spared the indignity of lifelong tubing than prayed for her to continue her tubed and vegetable existence, but God went for the detubing anyway.