Re: Sisters of mercy by titan69	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	21-Nov-07/6:22 AM
your stile? that much is right.
Re: A Cyclamatic Word of Advice by Skamper	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	21-Nov-07/6:18 AM
This reminds me of one I wrote where a woman gives back an engagement ring. And his rib.
Re: a comment on this is what I see by malpaso	malpaso 70.233.136.151	21-Nov-07/6:03 AM
eloquent!!!!
Re: a comment on A Cyclamatic Word of Advice by Skamper	Skamper 58.171.110.24	21-Nov-07/1:13 AM
thanks again...your input is appreciated and I dropped the 'maybe' don't know why I added it, cos there's no maybe about it. relying way too much on images to speak for you - isn't that what we do, draw the image in words?
Re: a comment on GENTLE JANE by titan69	Skamper 58.171.111.124	21-Nov-07/1:08 AM
the scenario or the writing of it?
Re: a comment on The Taking by Skamper	Skamper 58.171.101.164	21-Nov-07/1:06 AM
the 'fight' was only token resistence. I dropped the ... you were right they don't do anything many thanks :)
Re: this is what I see by malpaso	titan69 82.38.69.75	20-Nov-07/1:47 PM
shit!!!!
Re: a comment on GENTLE JANE by titan69	titan69 82.38.69.75	20-Nov-07/1:43 PM
the whole point is... its meant to be awful get it!!!!
Re: a comment on The Taking by Skamper	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	20-Nov-07/10:28 AM
Hmm. I guess that's me wanting a little more "fight". Re: then, that's why I suggested leaving the gap, but, the ... is unnecessary.
Re: A Cyclamatic Word of Advice by Skamper	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	20-Nov-07/8:02 AM
Cyclamatic ? Wow. There's a word. Say, is it just me, or do I rely way too much on images to do my speaking for me? This is really good Skamper. Not sure about that -maybe-.
Re: What the fuck is a HAIKU anyway? by titan69	Skamper 58.171.198.40	19-Nov-07/7:51 PM
drop the yoda instructions - add 'a' between writes and load... you definately have a way with....titles...
Re: What bianca saw!!! by titan69	Skamper 58.171.189.55	19-Nov-07/7:48 PM
argh! get the sylable count right - if you are going to write in limerick, find the rhythm... snaps for the ranker/wanker rhyme
Re: GENTLE JANE by titan69	Skamper 58.171.148.172	19-Nov-07/7:45 PM
this could have been funny...nah...who am I kidding, it's god awful
Re: Fading Love by hobojo	Skamper 58.171.133.207	19-Nov-07/7:41 PM
line 4 first stanza - all that I despise - that which I despise...something like that to rid the repitition of 'what I' just an observation...like this a lot though, the inevitibility of it. :)
Re: Liar by Roisin	Skamper 58.171.227.135	19-Nov-07/7:26 PM
In agreement with intransit - bitch needs it's own line who gets the lead - I would like to think it's a suicide, a point made, a final thrust of guilt. Nice work, shady and direct.
Re: Tingling by INTRANSIT	Skamper 58.171.175.124	19-Nov-07/7:20 PM
melon is a bit vague - considering you follow with periwinkle third stanza line two - 'so' not clear on it's intent. Is it your joints that are aching so - or is it because they are aching you succumb? If the latter maybe a comma after ache? This poem has a pureness about it, I love it.
Re: a comment on It's about truckin' by INTRANSIT	Skamper 58.171.197.171	19-Nov-07/7:03 PM
No dissapointment - each of us have our own reasons for doing what we do. Look forward to reading the older one too.. :)
Re: a comment on The Taking by Skamper	Skamper 58.171.192.237	19-Nov-07/6:57 PM
thanks :) sometimes less is better
Re: a comment on The Taking by Skamper	Skamper 58.171.196.196	19-Nov-07/6:56 PM
I hear what your saying - but inverting lines 1 and 2 would put a different emphasis on the progress of seduction. I think maybe a longer pause between line 2 and then, followed by the long pause again... don't you think -then- speaks of what lays between the quieter 'no' to the ultimate compliance? I feel leaving -then- out hurries it along
Re: a comment on AKA Poets by Skamper	Skamper 58.171.208.48	19-Nov-07/6:47 PM
thanks :)