Re: Sugar by celticskatermatt1	Plaidypus 198.7.247.203	17-May-05/6:38 PM
LOL this made my day.
Re: I'll Be In My Bed, My Grave by longships	Alizarin_Crimson 198.7.247.203	17-May-05/5:57 PM
I don't know about you, but....I don't rape my brothers, or my sisters. And I also don't use white powder or brown nicotine. And I don't despise those who seek to be different either...man's only enemy IS himself. Well done. We have no natural predators left, so obviously, the only thing that can kill a person, generally, is another person.
Re: Malice In Wonderland (edited) by Caducus	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	17-May-05/4:55 PM
It needs courage to take Carroll's story a step further. And here's the problem: you didn't. Your version turns a disturbing dream into a rather vulgar nightmare and in the process misses out on the fine-tuned philosophical jokes and nonsensicals of the original. This poem's like one of those MAD-parodies on movies but without the tong-in-cheekness. (And the MAD-parodies weren't subtile to begin with) So the poem has very little to do with Alice in Wonderland. This could work, I think, if you strip (no, not that) Alice from her innocence and let all inhabitants of Wonderland stay the way as Carroll created them. Let HER confuse/terrorize THEM.
Re: Love shall set you free by stacylynn_3	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	17-May-05/4:07 PM
The AABB rhyme has a disastrous effect on story & mood but if you really insist on this sequence, at least chop up the verse into eight stanza's. Watching a few good slasher movies could also improve on your poetic imagination. 'I scream with all my might', but the poem's tone is hardly more than a mumble.
Re: a comment on Bush Fire by ingwa	ingwa 80.45.190.43	17-May-05/3:02 PM
Dovina, thank you for your enlightening comment. I wrote this poem one afternoon picturing one of the many scenes left after very destructive and rampant bush fires. When I read it, it appeared to lack just a little something but I wasn't too sure. I am now and rather like the sample that you have so kindly left. I hope you don't mind, but I was hoping you would please consider the following: Risks always presented By natures hand or not Catches you off guard Surprises never far
Re: a comment on The Awesome One by ingwa	Dovina 69.175.32.185	17-May-05/2:21 PM
I would not use the Old English "thee" unless you use that language all the way through. "Causes a skip of the heart" should be "Cause . . " "The astounding things surround" should probably be "surrounding"
Re: a comment on The Awesome One by ingwa	ingwa 80.45.190.43	17-May-05/2:17 PM
Hello again Dovina. Thanks for reading once again. I'm sorry to hear that you didn't quite enjoy this poem and I am concerned that there are grammatical errors. Would you possibly share these with me so that I can improve this write? I appreciate all comments and feel that good constructive criticism is very helpful.
Re: Bush Fire by ingwa	Dovina 69.175.32.185	17-May-05/2:14 PM
You seem to know what your are talking about, but the presentation is lacking. Description lacks color, the ending is not provocative. For example on the last verse: Always the risk An act of God Always new Never expected
Re: a comment on Panthera pardus by ingwa	ingwa 80.45.190.43	17-May-05/2:11 PM
Hi Dovina, thank you for the welcome and for reading my poem. I have edited this poem to fit your very welcome comments and unfortunately had to loose your vote. I appreciate the input that you have provided, and yes, you to he does sound a bit odd. I hope that the changes have improved it. In regards to a title, what would you recommend? The title is latin for leopard, but it could be something else. Thanks again for reading.
Re: The Awesome One by ingwa	Dovina 69.175.32.185	17-May-05/1:59 PM
Not as good as your first. I counted three grammatical errors.
Re: Panthera pardus by ingwa	Dovina 69.175.32.185	17-May-05/1:56 PM
I'd give it a more reader-friendly title. First verse is good. Third verse: Use immense or huge, but not both. Slinks should be slink to go with "you." In the fourth verse you change from "you" to "he" Why? I think you shouldn't. Welcome to poemranker.
Re: a comment on Forever by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.185	17-May-05/12:32 PM
It is not the king I am friends with.
Re: Learning to Drive by jessicazee	Dovina 69.175.32.185	17-May-05/12:24 PM
Although the ending implies what you really learned through the experience, I think a more compelling comparison could be made.
Re: a comment on Learning to Drive by jessicazee	Dovina 69.175.32.185	17-May-05/12:23 PM
"private" as opposed to school-sponsored. "calked" as in glued into place with calking.
Re: Malice In Wonderland (edited) by Caducus	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.197	17-May-05/12:19 PM
What, may I ask, birthed the Idea for this poem? I am not the giver of the anal retentive 5.
Re: Get well soon by Hallmark	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.197	17-May-05/12:13 PM
OREGANO!!!
Re: a comment on Forever by Dovina	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.138	17-May-05/12:07 PM
I think stanzas three and four are close enough to delete one. I also think your goal was met in stanza two. Silly pagan. Who are you to think you can be friends with a king any how?
Re: Learning to Drive by jessicazee	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.197	17-May-05/12:00 PM
But are you Rothian or, Hagarian?
Re: a comment on Bookends by INTRANSIT	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.138	17-May-05/11:52 AM
Oh,see? Now you've got me second guessing myself!
Re: a comment on Nesting Instinct of Women by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.185	17-May-05/11:30 AM
You’ve done nothing wrong. I had not thought of it that way, but it’s a possibility.