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The Awesome One (Free verse) by ingwa
My heart, my soul cries out to thee The caring guardian of all The life force behind everyone It surrounds and envelopes You experience the greatness When eyes have been opened Awareness and observation Causes a skip of the heart Often ignored, neglected Not respected every now and then Taken for granted always Some lessons truly learned Do not abuse and forget The astounding things surround Giving light to inspiration Science tries to explain The mover of mountains Creator of storms Destruction easily created Impossible to harness Oh Mother Nature You infect my senses My heart is deeply moved For you're The Awesome One indeed.

Up the ladder: Back to Orange and Black
Down the ladder: Looking Up

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 4.6666665
Weighted score: 4.9602656
Overall Rank: 8617
Posted: May 3, 2005 2:29 PM PDT; Last modified: May 17, 2005 1:09 PM PDT
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[5] Dovina @ | 17-May-05/1:59 PM | Reply
Not as good as your first. I counted three grammatical errors.
[n/a] ingwa @ > Dovina | 17-May-05/2:17 PM | Reply
Hello again Dovina. Thanks for reading once again. I'm sorry to hear that you didn't quite enjoy this poem and I am concerned that there are grammatical errors. Would you possibly share these with me so that I can improve this write? I appreciate all comments and feel that good constructive criticism is very helpful.
[5] Dovina @ > ingwa | 17-May-05/2:21 PM | Reply
I would not use the Old English "thee" unless you use that language all the way through.

"Causes a skip of the heart" should be "Cause . . "

"The astounding things surround" should probably be "surrounding"

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