Dovina
replying on Nesting Instinct of Women by Dovina
30 May 2005, 6:59 PM
Why should I balk when you say I am misguided or not guided? Am I not better off than a sheep? And if I could achieve horrific squelching more often, that would be nice too.
Subtle sarcasm...the tone is quite elegant, which is only fitting.
I've had a few bashings over such subjects. Like, 'a woman should not poemise outward appearances or cosmetry hypes, let alone a man.'
Well. I've done poems about two actresses who are quite diametric in this view: Maggie Smith and Cher. Maybe I'll let you read them one day.
Codependency perhaps, I say whatever works. A complex issue made clearer in just a few words.
Some good prose, but the theme is too far fetched to compel.
What on earth do you mean by, "heaven is a mirage unreachable as a woman."
Seems unfinished. Not that you should just tell us the outcome or the backstory, but some clue please.
That's the problem. I'm still in a world of my own. Even with this sharing of a jumble of thoughts and the difficulties of sorting it out for writing, no gap is bridged, and it's still a jumble.
quite so..obviously an escapee
A brave turd, but ultimately doomed. Last words: "I'm going to make it!"
Makes me wanna laugh!
Sorry this is not a fantastic poem, my first go at a poem really, i am 18 and studying war literature at school and it inspired me to write something, will have a better go next time.
Guffaw, guffaw. I like the form. I really do.
-It makes him expansive- made me think of an over-reaching mexican govt. But somehow that worked too. How do YOU feel about this piece?
I like this and would have loved to see parts of it approached different:
<< where heaven is a mirage
unreachable as a woman >>
'where heaven is a mirage
as unreachable as a woman'
the repeted 'as' is not elegant, but the sentence makes more sense this way. You could also opt for this:
'where heaven is like a woman,
a mirage',
The last stanza:
In wandering through the afterlife
she found him on the sands of New Mexico
His tears had turned to jewels
and jewels turned to tears
when they made love on a grave
in the shade of a headstone which read
'Eternal love
for the dead'
Another female puppy, lapping at her master...
As an attempt to write a whole new sort of poetry, this fails, to say it polite. It's an excerpt from a schoolgirl's diary and nothing more. The only poetic detail I could find was 'kiss/bliss'. Sopping in your panties can be a state of bliss, yes, but it's hardly a poetic one.
Is the pulmonary system a cycle? Is a circuit? If he said 'circuit' instead, would it work better?
Nobody's pointing out the real problems with this poem, so here goes: 1) it uses 'it's' for 'its'; 2) it's about suicide.
Discuss.
I was on vacation with a weeklong bender.
"Kinda cute in a sordid way" is kinda cute in a sordid way. But I bet if I met you in a bar, I'd stand a pretty good chance. Not that I want to, I'm just speaking hypothetically.
PS-Saw a great poem about girlbees yesterday. Can't get it online, though. More to follow.
Beta is a name. The name of a good friend of mine from Mexico days, actually. I'd like to say I meant something by it, but the truth is at the time I just couldn't think of any Spanish girls' names not overused in poetry.
In my defense, I did mean something by "agitator", "wringer", "mangle" and "banner". That's got to be worth something, considering.
Of course it's poetry. Consider the evidence:
1) The lines are much shorter than the space available. Sometimes, they're not even the same length. There are paragraph-breaks inserted at odd places.
2) "No" and "though" rhyme. "Agitator" and "Tlatelolco" almost do.
3) It's posted on a poetry website, with "Free Verse" written at the top.
4) People who come to poetry websites to read and vote on poetry are voting on it.
Of course it should be 'infinite', only. I was thinking that even Dovina would balk at someone interpreting her poems as "the horrific squelchings of a thoroughly misguided", making the number of possible correct interpretations infinity-minus-one. I see now how wrong I was.
But praying wasn't enough, right?