Re: a comment on Muggy by fevriere	fevriere 62.254.128.7	11-Jun-05/1:37 AM
There were no mice in my mouth. It wasn't a real hangover. I'm not trying to regail you with tales of my alcoholism. (I feel like a nerd).
Re: a comment on Muggy by fevriere	zodiac 212.118.19.246	11-Jun-05/12:51 AM
Don't listen to any of them. But do drop "I" from line 2.
Re: a comment on -750,000 in Rwanda by ALChemy	zodiac 212.118.19.246	11-Jun-05/12:44 AM
Yes, I know. "Sleep" is always used like that. It's in so many poems you start wishing for dead people doing something else. Or for people actually sleeping instead of only figuratively sleeping and really being dead. I don't think that's what "heaps" means. At least, that's not how it looks in the poem. Especially since we've all already heard about the Rwandan dead ending up in REAL heaps (that is, in piles) though they didn't die there. One way or another, the stanza is a little confusing or misleading. "The word dead is in front of heaps which in english usually means they're dead first." No it doesn't. Besides, you say they're "in heaps ... [lying] where they die." My logic is 1) They're in heaps now. 2) They're where they died. 3) Ergo, they were in heaps when (ie, just before) they died. And I don't see what you're getting at. At least, I don't see how this applies to any of the concerns I raised before. Yes, I know the bodies were left to rot. But the point is, it's not too many for the census takers, figurative or otherwise. The truth is that REAL census takers REALLY DID take a census and find out how many died, so if you just want a way to say they're left to rot and there are too many of them, you might consider saying one that's true, like, oh, they're left to rot and there are too many of them. (Also, the census takers naturally counted the dead by counting the number left and comparing that figure with an earlier census, so it would logically be easier, if not more humane, if more people have died - not harder, like you're suggesting.) I don't understand why a fire brigade is present. If I'm missing something (out of my American ignorance) please let me know. The bigger point is - and this is true for most poemranker users, not just you - when writing a poem you HAVE TO MAKE SURE SOMETHING IS LITERALLY TRUE before you can make it figuratively true. You can disagree, if you like, and I'd like the chance to explain why it's a must. But I do wish you'd just take my word for it.
Re: a comment on matrimonal enemy by hendrimike	zodiac 212.118.19.246	11-Jun-05/12:25 AM
Oh. I mean, I just thought it was one of those things that people say in songs because people say them in songs, like calling a guitar a "six string" or standing in the rain with a knife in your heart and the wounds never heal and so on. That is, you could just say it's a quarter instead of a nickel. A dollar, even. Unless you want people to think you live in the 30s.
Re: a comment on lawngazing by skaskowski	zodiac 212.118.19.246	11-Jun-05/12:22 AM
No I mean: physically, how were the bottles broken by the blanket? I'd be saying the same thing if the blanket were full of bludgeoned kittens.
Re: a comment on Snow by lil_evil_boi	zodiac 212.118.19.246	11-Jun-05/12:20 AM
Isn't that a little like saying, If you were a rapist you would have raped other women besides this one. You're probably just some misunderstood guy who was walking along minding his own business and happened to run smack into a woman's vagina.
Re: a comment on Snow by lil_evil_boi	zodiac 212.118.19.246	11-Jun-05/12:18 AM
I say, u saying that this is "plagiarism" but instead from text, its my father? How is this plagiarism? Besides this is even none of your business! I mean I, zodiac, say that. I originated it. How do you feel about them apples?
Re: a comment on Snow by lil_evil_boi	zodiac 212.118.19.246	11-Jun-05/12:16 AM
It is so close to impossible that you and evil_boi could be logging on with the same IP ten minutes apart without knowing each other that it might as well be plain impossible. I'm not "so concerned" about this. But I think if you're reduced to posting gushing comments on your own poems - to make up for a lack of interest in them, or real gushing comments on them, most likely - then you might as well leave. You'd only be fooling yourself, and not very well at that. And who likes to watch people trying to fool themselves? It's rather like watching some guy at a cocktail party try to get his pants up from around his ankles by furiously jumping up and down.
Re: a comment on Dovecote by zodiac	zodiac 212.118.19.246	11-Jun-05/12:10 AM
I don't know what "outcast from society" would mean here, but the rest of it is true, give or take. The harder part to get is that most women here GENUINELY BELIEVE in the system and uphold it to the death.
Re: Too Tired for a Title by woodstock20000	zodiac 212.118.19.246	10-Jun-05/11:54 PM
I wouldn't have believed it, but reading a poem about being too tired to write well is about as exciting as watching a person too tired to move piss his pants on my couch.
Re: Why? by windyone	zodiac 212.118.19.246	10-Jun-05/11:52 PM
1) Don't assume we criticize because we can't cope. The truth is we all cope better than you, and the middle-school English teacher who told you people criticize because they can't cope couldn't cope. 2) re: "Do you feel better when you take away hope? " Do you feel better being hopeless? A: Only if you can somehow stop every single person on the planet from pointing out how hopeless you are. Which I imagine involves stopping time itself. 3) Writing for onesself is fantastic. I, for one, would never criticize someone for writing all kinds of smarm for their own private purposes. You, however, are doing something extra. Can you tell what? (Hint: it involves the internet and a site called poemRANKER.) 4) Because you obviously want real criticism, here: Don't rhyme knife and life ever ever again. 5) Punctuate consistently. If you can't figure out how, write your whole poem out like it's prose, like a story, and see where you've forgotten periods, commas, and other such. (Hint: Check the ends of lines!) 6) Of course we know what you're going through. We were there. About 100 years ago. People gave us all hell then, too, just like we're doing for you. Those of us who didn't cut it are over at autobodymechanicranker.com. Check them out. 7) re: "the way that they write is not up to you." Oh. I thought you were posting here to get our opinions. Oh, I see: not that kind of opinion. Is this one better. This is the best poem I've ever read and you're obviously a beautiful, gentle soul I had exactly the same experience once. 8) You're thinking of going to my poem list and zeroing the first title you see there. Please, by all means, do. Join the Dark Side. -10-
Re: Labor. by darby pyn	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.130.8.96	10-Jun-05/11:44 PM
I like this. At first I wished you had changed the format so that I could see the rhyme...but nah.. I just like it. almost makes me think of a hard core Dr. Suess book in meter.
Re: Perfect place by gothiclovepoetiss	gothiclovepoetiss 172.129.77.227	10-Jun-05/5:54 PM
i hope you like this poem, but please critize and be blunt if you feel it is nessessary. thanks
Re: a comment on Acrylic French Nails by Dovina	some deleted user 71.103.92.158	10-Jun-05/3:54 PM
I employ devices to look as nude as possible without going to jail. As for the poem, is this a made-up person? In my opinion it's presumptuous to think you know what a real person's inner motives might be. The language sounds stiff and convoluted, an apt analogy, perhaps, for the Lee snap on nails, but still I don't like it.
Re: a comment on Acrylic French Nails by Dovina	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	10-Jun-05/1:23 PM
I now consider to give him French nails. Makes for better fishgutting too. My, am I inventive.
Re: a comment on Acrylic French Nails by Dovina	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	10-Jun-05/1:19 PM
You're so lucky to know what you're writing about. My 'Popeye' is becoming weirder and weirder to me...seems I'm up for an urgent re-evaluation of my erotic ambitions
Re: a comment on Acrylic French Nails by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.185	10-Jun-05/12:30 PM
The same thing I was saying about yours. And I tried so hard, in this revision, to make it clear. :(
Re: a comment on Acrylic French Nails by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.185	10-Jun-05/12:28 PM
I don't find it so.
Re: a comment on Acrylic French Nails by Dovina	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	10-Jun-05/12:27 PM
The problem is, I have difficulty in following your story... 8-)
Re: a comment on Acrylic French Nails by Dovina	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	10-Jun-05/12:26 PM
You are right, I was seeing it from the wrong angle, sorry