Re: a comment on A Kiss In Shadows (quite happy for me) by Caducus	Dovina 69.175.32.185	10-Jun-05/12:25 PM
I don't think either of them is that naive. They might say it, but they don't believe it.
Re: a comment on Acrylic French Nails by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.185	10-Jun-05/12:22 PM
French nail ends is grammically consistant with French nails because both are plural. To say French nails ends is silly.
Re: Acrylic French Nails by Dovina	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	10-Jun-05/12:17 PM
Also, the French Style refers to nailS, and in the 2nd stanza, last line, you suddenly switch to singular...
Re: Acrylic French Nails by Dovina	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.16.226	10-Jun-05/12:12 PM
"Where were the color ordinary" -- hard to say out loud.
Re: a comment on A Kiss In Shadows (quite happy for me) by Caducus	Caducus 81.135.11.90	10-Jun-05/12:11 PM
Hey she still looked 20 to him as she still loks the same to him old because he loves her so much. Just somehing my pos said about his wife
Re: a comment on Missing by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.16.226	10-Jun-05/11:57 AM
1. no. there is no way to wonder besides to yourself.. unless you say, "i wondered out loud" or something along those lines. 2. The darkness is just dark and fog. the darker it gets the less of her features are available to my eyes. thanks for your critique.
Re: a comment on Muggy by fevriere	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	10-Jun-05/11:55 AM
Now you're making it PLAIN. Why? What's in your mouth when you wake up with a hangover? Dead mouses. Use, and infuse that.
Re: a comment on Muggy by fevriere	fevriere 62.254.128.7	10-Jun-05/11:52 AM
I assumed only the linebreaks varied.
Re: a comment on Muggy by fevriere	fevriere 62.254.128.7	10-Jun-05/11:51 AM
How about, "I woke up with the morning, was beckoned out of bed"?
Re: Missing by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	Dovina 69.175.32.185	10-Jun-05/11:16 AM
First verse is good. But then it gets wordy and convoluted in places. "I watch you and wonder to myself" for example - is there any way to wonder besides to yourself? And what is this "darkness engulfing me"? Still, the poem has potential.
Re: Muggy by fevriere	Dovina 69.175.32.185	10-Jun-05/11:10 AM
I wish the first verse carried the meter of the rest.
Re: A Kiss In Shadows (quite happy for me) by Caducus	Dovina 69.175.32.185	10-Jun-05/10:56 AM
This starts our really good. I don't know what you mean by the slabs rolling, or why she still looked 20. Verse 3 is great. Verse 4 is good. "wood" must refer to her cane. Verse 5 is a bit strange, and kissing on shadows of the lost - well, I see you relating to the old couple as you imaging aging with your lover, but it could be better said.
Re: a comment on A Kiss In Shadows (quite happy for me) by Caducus	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	10-Jun-05/10:28 AM
>>but i agree it sounds a bit gay<< You need help. From a qualified homophobic psychiatrist. Jesus on a bluetooth
Re: a comment on Snow by lil_evil_boi	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	10-Jun-05/10:25 AM
Return to your homeplanet.
Re: a comment on A Kiss In Shadows (quite happy for me) by Caducus	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	10-Jun-05/10:12 AM
>>grammar and me divorced years back<< Then stop writing and start singing or painting or pantomiming
Re: a comment on Missing by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.16.226	10-Jun-05/9:47 AM
Fraud? no. I don't believe I took anything from another poem. struggling poet, yes.
Re: a comment on Snow by lil_evil_boi	lil_evil_boi 142.22.186.7	10-Jun-05/9:38 AM
Thanks...greatly appreciated:-)!!
Re: a comment on A Kiss In Shadows (quite happy for me) by Caducus	Caducus 172.200.21.127	10-Jun-05/9:17 AM
GW CHILL. Okay I changed the first bit - grammar and me divorced years back. The 'my love' meant my girlfriend but i agree it sounds a bit gay and i bring her in to it later so it's not needed. It's a draft and raw as the moment as intended. One of those inspired things that hit or miss, this is kind of both but was never meant to be anything to get anal about really. Thanks for the pointers.
Re: a comment on it's tough at times by Jigg	Jigg 82.40.14.170	10-Jun-05/8:48 AM
this is art, that is artistic licence...okay I made an arse of it! You happy? What's it like bein' perfect and/or sober!?
Re: Missing by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	10-Jun-05/7:18 AM
I gave you a seven although I think you're a fraud, B_W_C. Mooning over atrocieties like l_e_b's 'Love is the opposite of hate', and then come up yourself with a poem like this one?