Oké, but don't insinuate that other people are here mainly to see themselves.

Do you mind if I didn't read all of it? The picture's pretty clear. Avoiding certain names saves a helluva lot of time.

Not this time. I'm sure you guys get enough of me anyway.

How about letting other people in to the ways and unways of writing techniques? Isn't that what the board is for?

No. It's much more difficult than that. And much less rewarding. Sigh...

This is crazy. Building a poem around a few nonsensicals just because they rhyme?

Yes. This has been established ages ago. See here http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=123303 and here http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=123379

I like "subtitles". I'm not trying to be mean, it just struck me as cute.

Dear Christ you're a little hapless, aren't you?

No, I meant where he was performing was a Slam Poetry reading. I see being successful at cafe-performance-poetry as something so different from being successful at poetry that it's like comparing riding a bike to breaking a bike over your head.

re "I like to think this poem still has some resonance three years later, but you'll have to think harder about the historical context." Do you think this makes it a more, or less, successful poem?

You want only raving reviews? Oké.

So many, in fact, that you're really not writing about men-in-general at all. You're just writing about a few guys and it's a shame you started the poem with "Let every man who ever had a father consider". In short, I'm with everyone who says this doesn't track. Sure, most guys probably go through bitter periods (for me it'll be right around the time I realize I can't be a spaceman when I grow up) but get over it in time for a nice benevolent dotage. Right before they step out in front of the speeding bus.

POINT #1: This poem is plagiarized. If I've accused the wrong person, that doesn't make the poem less plagiarized. POINT #2: lil_evil_boi, untamed_fierce, sacred_poet_me, and wow_ur_good only have two IP #s between them. Both are registered to Canadian service providers; one's a home and one's a small server, like in a school. As far as "coincidences happen you know" goes, the odds of this being a coincidence are absolutely astronomical. POINT #3: So actually, it does prove something. Servers simply don't act like you're trying to say they do. And even if they did, the more likely explanation is that you're always logging out as lil_evil_boi and then immediately logging in under one of your other usernames from the same computer. It doesn't help any that you write EXACTLY THE SAME WAY under all your usernames. POINT #4: re "24.69.255.205 or 195.157.153.249 or 213.146.148.199... I doubt all the users with those IP# are the same people". Actually, they are. They admitted it ages ago. Ace argument, though! POINT #5: You are simply flabbergasting. What do you get out of it?

I posted criticism and then deleted it so it would only show up in raiyna's email. She's the only one who needs to read it and, contrary to popular belief, I'm not posting comments just to see myself talk.

See my list below. Also, there's no reason to think using complicated rhymes necessarily means nonsequitors and work-arounds. I once rhymed "Mariachi", "lot - She", "crotchy" and "watching" so seamlessly that no one TO THIS DAY has realized it's a rhyming poem.

I disagree. For one thing: frustrating <=> bust rating rhyming <=> hymen interesting <=> Pinter wresting beautiful <=> cuticle cannot <=> planet/Janet simply <=> dimply onomatopoetic <=> emetic/a mulatto aesthetic equivalent <=> ambivalent

Then why did you comment??!

This is about the post-September 11th attack on Afghanistan (before the world realised Iraq was next on the list) so it can't be another Afghanistan, unless you're referring to the Soviet invasion in the 1980s (which is actually a very neat and ironic parallel). And the poem doesn't say it's a new Vietnam, it only says that that is what the media said, which is true. In fact this dates from the period after the invasion when it looked like things might actually work out. I like to think this poem still has some resonance three years later, but you'll have to think harder about the historical context.