Re: My Golden Birthday by jessicazee	T. Jonathron Remp 128.252.229.185	22-Jul-05/1:04 PM
I long for the days when areas of study were indivisible from their classroms, so that one could truly be "in Science."
Re: Plastic Ideals by Nuit	T. Jonathron Remp 128.252.229.185	22-Jul-05/12:57 PM
"I liked your poem!" The Home Depot: You can do it, We can help TM
Re: a comment on Victoria Applesmack and the Easy to Clean Wonder-Spleen by T. Jonathron Remp	T. Jonathron Remp 128.252.229.185	22-Jul-05/10:42 AM
Thank you! Yeah, the title gives it away
Re: Twilight on the Roadside by ALChemy	darby pyn 207.200.116.130	22-Jul-05/10:41 AM
amazing work ALChemy. 8
Re: a comment on The Precious Thing by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	T. Jonathron Remp 128.252.229.185	22-Jul-05/10:36 AM
yeah that didn't work
Re: The Precious Thing by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	T. Jonathron Remp 128.252.229.185	22-Jul-05/10:36 AM
two dr i p p ing thumbs up! -10-
Re: SO DON'T GIVE UP ON YOUR LOVE by prettyktm	Nuit 86.128.33.62	22-Jul-05/9:42 AM
Sorry to say this, but I think its boring. It flows nicely etc, but the content is the same drivel I've heard a thousand times before. Perhaps look at the subject from a different angle.
Re: Twilight on the Roadside by ALChemy	Dovina 84.184.228.244	22-Jul-05/8:29 AM
A good story, needing less story and more poetry, or else just tell it as a story. 'desaturated' may not be the right word. 'I was' in verse 3 can go. (That image burned into my heart)- Best, I think, to show how you feel rather than tell us.
Re: a comment on A Good Man Ruined by Dovina	Dovina 84.184.228.244	22-Jul-05/8:22 AM
"then promoted and monied he runs a team" is clearer, might do that. The 'damn' is shakey, I know. I never thought of it as being about God, but in a way it works if you think of it as man created in God's image as creator. Thanks for the comment.
Re: a comment on A Good Man Ruined by Dovina	Dovina 84.184.228.244	22-Jul-05/8:19 AM
Awesome in the way the World Trade Center was, or the Golden Gate Bridge is. How do you mean - another go? More detail?
Re: a comment on A Good Man Ruined by Dovina	Dovina 84.184.228.244	22-Jul-05/8:17 AM
Could be, but then it would end up a drinking man's crying song. Somehow, we have enough of those.
Re: a comment on Low Tide by somemorepoetry	Dovina 84.184.228.244	22-Jul-05/8:12 AM
I mean it in terms of the imagery and the structure. You have a good flow in the first 2 verses, easily to follow and relate to. Than you try to get the reader into a stick, bucked, etc., and the image is not as vivid and easy flowing as the first. Not that it couldn't be, because the theme is good. It's just not as smooth.
Re: a comment on A Good Man Ruined by Dovina	Dovina 84.184.228.244	22-Jul-05/8:05 AM
It's not that I consider his statement wise. I used it a different way than he did, and thought doing so was entirely cute.
Re: a comment on The sunset sea. by darby pyn	darby pyn 207.200.116.197	21-Jul-05/11:26 PM
Thank you Nuit. I am glad you enjoyed it.
Re: a comment on The sunset sea. by darby pyn	darby pyn 207.200.116.197	21-Jul-05/11:25 PM
BWC it's cool if you don't wan't to vote. but is it a good tired or bad tired?
Re: a comment on CAN'T TAKE THE PAIN by prettyktm	prettyktm 203.115.81.186	21-Jul-05/9:53 PM
Sorry for that,but love is not only the expression about love,ah there are many other expression inculed in it.like.sadness,and I have just wrote one of the expression of it.thank you for your ah comment.take care.
Re: Changing the Air by Miggy	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.151.145.220	21-Jul-05/5:36 PM
bulgingly cack
Re: A Good Man Ruined by Dovina	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	21-Jul-05/5:22 PM
Maybe change engineer to architech. Also you say he works alone and he runs a team. You might want to say "then promoted and monied he runs a team" or maybe change the first line to something like "Alone at the top". Change "damn" in the last line and the Jimmy Buffet fans will leave you alone. Fix this poem but don't ever throw it out because if one imagines the "ace egineer" as possibly being god or the bible or even Adam then the poem takes on a whole new profound meaning.
Re: My Golden Birthday by jessicazee	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.151.145.220	21-Jul-05/5:19 PM
A raw, uncompromising, indignant, vital, terrifying, brutally honest literary collage of everyday life in the urban skate scene with massively fat cheeks, sunken eyes, and an unbelievably appalling forehead. Nice one.
Re: Victoria Applesmack and the Easy to Clean Wonder-Spleen by T. Jonathron Remp	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.151.145.220	21-Jul-05/5:09 PM
This poeme exudes excellence, though the title is a little too 'self-consciously zany' for my tastes. -10-