ALChemy
replying on Fading.+/ by Lindz14
19 Aug 2005, 10:52 AM
What balls! I'm impressed and I've got ones the size of watermellons. Besides that gave me my biggest laugh of the day.
More like a fat nude black man and that white stuff coming out of his penis ain't piss my friend.
Bon appétit.
- wait - ? you favorited your own poem?
Kind of Martha Stewart meets Andy Rooney. But it has some good stuff too like the first verse.
What do you mean by ropes "fuming?" around brass.
God I wish I had a yacht. Sounds so relaxing. Then again with my luck I'd get lost or die in a storm.
I liked the poem once I figured it out.
Another title that might have changed the poems direction: At the Center of the Tsunami.
But that's just plain evil isn't it.
I think you mean "Plain" not "plane in verse 1. Plain is on the sea-bed. Plane is something you do on the surface as in hydroplane.
Thanks your absolutely right. I bet you see a lot of that though.
Damn, I've got to stop posting poems when I'm half asleep.
The Bible has been rewritten and butchered in the process by nearly every translation ever made. So you can certainly doubt everything except the spirit of the bible and still have faith in it.
It's compelling. Well done. But ditch those apostrophes unless you mean "by way of it is comand", and "whether it is end be near". The possessive needs no apostrophe. It has its own logic for that. It's not the usual logic.
The poem sounds good and all but isn't the idea of a spirit that it doesn't die. That it just drifts off somewhere into eternity. Or did you mean spirit as in enthusiasm. Put Spirit in the place of all the little orange petal flower parts of the poem and you'll see the places where your spirit isn't like a little orange petal flower. Maintaining the metaphor is at the utmost importance in this poem for the point of the poem is the metaphor.
Love the concrete like structural design of the poem.
All that Yellow leather repetition dilutes the poem. Why not mix it up with some different color leather. Other wise the poem's got some great rhythm and some good rhyme.
Besides. No one does yellow leather like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill.
correction: I didn't catch THAT one on my proofread. Obviously I need to work on my proofreading.
Thanks I didn't catch one on my proofread.
Death is a semi-colon hmmm...
Makes sense.
I always thought he did things half-assed
Thanks.
it's resonating in my subconcious, but that is all at the moment.
Aside from the rogue period at the end of the Unsheathed line, it sounds good to go.
correction: lose not loose
Loose "Beside a path of broken darts". It just sounds goofy. You have an engine that has some good parts but you need to assemble it better. Get your thoughts to connect with each other. Then rev that engine up.
Last line should be "Rather HAVE left before he stayed."
WAY FAY, WAY STY, SAY AY I. As an acrostic it sounds kinda cool in a nonsense way. I know it's not intended but your Microsoft Word program put caps at the begining of all your lines. So at first I thought you might be doing some kind of acrostic poem. Nice, warm, religious. Kind of like a spiritual.