Wakeboarder20
on We Were Burnouts by jessicazee
13 Sep 2005, 10:49 PM
Pretty good. Needs to be structured a little though. Some grammatical errors. But overall, different and well written.
Thanks for the advice
Actually it comes pretty close to rhyimg if your from the south...down here it's mirr.
That's the idea. Don't give a fuck....
about the people who are just being an ass. If you're not going to give a fuck about writing, then why try. I wrote on one of your posts, what felt like a constructive bit...no idea if you even read it though..but seriously...actually work to get better...don't just post any old bit of shit that you write...it's what so many people here do and it's quite annoying.
The point, though, is that a few souls have brushed off the tacky shit, taken the constructive criticism and actually improved their writing...it's rare, but it happens. Take Cuddlytiger17....she's no Poe, but she's improved (and to be honest I don't even know if she still posts here, but it's just the first one that came to mind...so...).
I'm not gonna vote on this because it seems more like just a last ditch effort to get a point accross than a poem.
Here's the best advice I can give you though (and being 26, you probably already know it becaue that's the same age I am and I know it): Assholes are going to keep being assholes, no matter what you say or do...even on the Poemeranker.
Locusts do suck. I do, however, think that a much better job could be do of saying that here...
I'd probably give this a 9, that done.
Baxter, you know I don't speak Spanish.
Seriusly, though, you've got some solid stuff here. I think you could do without the second stanza and cut the first down to about half the lines and this'll be pretty damn good.
Your poems always give me a headache.
Okay, not cute as in darling...but as in amusing in a "Yeah, my butt is big; so what?! kinda way. And...I DO get tired of big women who throw their weight around, purposefully positioning themselves in such a way as to make me move from where I was standing. It is an invasion of my body space and I resent it. I resent even more when they seemingly do not see me or think they can walk Over me, literally. It seems some bigger people fully expect a smaller person to move out of the way...and to me, that is a bullying behaviour.
Probably right on both counts. It was meant to express the way I think she felt about the situation, rather than cute. But who really cares.
use some punctuation and some editing clean it up and i might even like it maybe because it is a peak into a neat thing that happened or at least it seems like that i wondered if it was about cicadas but maybe you are talking about some other bug i cant believe you thought they were birds anyway work on this poem because as you should be able to tell by now without punctuation it makes things hard to read and interpret.
Well, I am gald you are feeling relieved....and glad you plan to keep trying.
burn> burned... all to> just to?... i> I
Not bad.
are invited to kindly kiss it. Maybe would be better rhythm there? And is Pitbull one word? Pit-bull, maybe? just wondering, seems like it might be one of those. Cute poem!
I was threw.> through.
I threw the ball through the window, and now I am through playing ball. 'will power' is one word, I think. willpower? will-power? (I don't know, that part of my brain just failed me..tee-hee) I think>My addict, I thought you had left me and went on your way. (A comma would be good here.) 'given into you'> given in to you. Lots of period where commas should be. Make sure where period are, that it is a complete sentence that stands on its own. (I have problems with puncuation too!)
I just added the comma without thinking to hard about it.
"they have like a
violiny sound to them"-?
Y'all not yall.
Consider yourself lucky if you get constructive remarks. Alot of people here just want to make fun of others.
Start with free-verse it's easier to pull off.
Read some of the masters.
Find those poems that speak to you and study them and there authors to death.
Use cheats like dictionaries, thesauruses and rhymezone.com.
Then decide you don't give a fuck what the assholes think and write on.