Re: Artemis and the Rain by MacFrantic	wilco 66.61.101.130	13-Sep-05/6:51 PM
Your poems always give me a headache.
Re: My Big Butt by Dovina	LilMsLadyPoet 64.12.116.67	13-Sep-05/6:49 PM
Okay, not cute as in darling...but as in amusing in a "Yeah, my butt is big; so what?! kinda way. And...I DO get tired of big women who throw their weight around, purposefully positioning themselves in such a way as to make me move from where I was standing. It is an invasion of my body space and I resent it. I resent even more when they seemingly do not see me or think they can walk Over me, literally. It seems some bigger people fully expect a smaller person to move out of the way...and to me, that is a bullying behaviour.
Re: a comment on My Big Butt by Dovina	Dovina 72.2.84.138	13-Sep-05/1:48 PM
Probably right on both counts. It was meant to express the way I think she felt about the situation, rather than cute. But who really cares.
Re: the birds are bugs by ay deee	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.139	13-Sep-05/12:06 PM
use some punctuation and some editing clean it up and i might even like it maybe because it is a peak into a neat thing that happened or at least it seems like that i wondered if it was about cicadas but maybe you are talking about some other bug i cant believe you thought they were birds anyway work on this poem because as you should be able to tell by now without punctuation it makes things hard to read and interpret.
Re: to all of you by Heather Dee	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.139	13-Sep-05/12:01 PM
Well, I am gald you are feeling relieved....and glad you plan to keep trying.
Re: On the road by flatliner	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.139	13-Sep-05/11:59 AM
burn> burned... all to> just to?... i> I Not bad.
Re: My Big Butt by Dovina	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.139	13-Sep-05/11:55 AM
are invited to kindly kiss it. Maybe would be better rhythm there? And is Pitbull one word? Pit-bull, maybe? just wondering, seems like it might be one of those. Cute poem!
Re: My addict by Heather Dee	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.139	13-Sep-05/11:53 AM
I was threw.> through. I threw the ball through the window, and now I am through playing ball. 'will power' is one word, I think. willpower? will-power? (I don't know, that part of my brain just failed me..tee-hee) I think>My addict, I thought you had left me and went on your way. (A comma would be good here.) 'given into you'> given in to you. Lots of period where commas should be. Make sure where period are, that it is a complete sentence that stands on its own. (I have problems with puncuation too!)
Re: a comment on Tall Windows by tianyi	tianyi 86.130.65.59	13-Sep-05/2:48 AM
I just added the comma without thinking to hard about it.
Re: the birds are bugs by ay deee	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	13-Sep-05/2:42 AM
"they have like a violiny sound to them"-? Y'all not yall.
Re: to all of you by Heather Dee	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	13-Sep-05/2:37 AM
Consider yourself lucky if you get constructive remarks. Alot of people here just want to make fun of others. Start with free-verse it's easier to pull off. Read some of the masters. Find those poems that speak to you and study them and there authors to death. Use cheats like dictionaries, thesauruses and rhymezone.com. Then decide you don't give a fuck what the assholes think and write on.
Re: a comment on My addict by Heather Dee	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	13-Sep-05/2:10 AM
That's a feat of dialect even the Cockneys might have trouble pulling off. If the rest of the poem had a loose rhyme style it might work but right now it's a sore thumb. The (I) sounds are different in the two words. One lifts, one drops.
Re: My addict by Heather Dee	ay deee 24.255.87.123	12-Sep-05/9:41 PM
i liked the first two stanzas better than the rest
Re: a comment on My addict by Heather Dee	ay deee 24.255.87.123	12-Sep-05/9:40 PM
meerir=mirror -- teers its dialect, i think i get it
Re: Keep Your Mouth Shut and Your Gun Loaded by wilco	ay deee 24.255.87.123	12-Sep-05/9:36 PM
i like a short verse, but i don't know... "makes" and "i'll have" make it a little off. but i'm no stickler for grammar.
Re: Lament by Caducus	Tintagiles 142.166.233.153	12-Sep-05/7:16 PM
As has come to be expected from you, very good. Line six, 'there' not 'their'. 'Soon Spring will die in October': great line, but, umm... what happened to summer?
Re: Tall Windows by tianyi	Tintagiles 142.166.233.153	12-Sep-05/7:13 PM
Why the comma after "where"? I'm presuming that the last line is the direct continuation of the first, in which case it might be a thought to add a stanza break between the first and second lines.
Re: on the edge of creation by nentwined	Tintagiles 142.166.233.153	12-Sep-05/7:11 PM
I really rather like this. Though the "(how did they get to my mountain)" I'm not sure about. Maybe break it into another line or something -- the rhythm seems off because that one line's so long.
Re: knowledge building on knowledge by nentwined	Tintagiles 142.166.233.153	12-Sep-05/7:09 PM
Nice. I'm not sure about the title being one of the three lines, but hey...
Re: Tall Windows by tianyi	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	12-Sep-05/3:28 PM
Nice snapshot.