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Tall Windows (Free verse) by tianyi He remembers
A boy cross-legged on the carpet
In the beige of an overexposed photo
Where,
streams of light like a cathedral
bright face into the drifting dust
And tries to breathe it in.
Up the ladder:
Wind me up
Down the ladder:
In sickness and in health
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.3333335
Posted: September 12, 2005 10:24 AM PDT; Last modified: September 12, 2005 10:24 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.0397344 Overall Rank: 7095 Comments:
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ALChemy @ 65.188.89.69
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12-Sep-05/3:28 PM
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Reply
Nice snapshot.
Why the comma after "where"? I'm presuming that the last line is the direct continuation of the first, in which case it might be a thought to add a stanza break between the first and second lines.
I just added the comma without thinking to hard about it.
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