Dovina
replying on Sonata for Robin and Poet by Dovina
10 Nov 2005, 6:32 AM
No good reason for the candle. It's just in keeping with the image of a poet who holds a candle and mirror to society. I read it somewhere.
Perhaps the repetition of sheets could go, but I like the rhyme to it, the problem is that I altered the first stanza that rhymed with this in order to improve the description, but now they are more seperated as a result. For me it is the 4th stanza that seems most out of place. I would welcome any ideas on how to integrate this.
The part about your personal life was in jest also but you see how hard it is to convey comedy under the restrictions of literature. Some people on Poemranker never realize others can't hear the sarcasm or deadpan or teasing that they hear in their thoughts while writing their quips.
Anyhow, no harm no foul.
So you're Jack Kerouac.
First stanza is great. although the "..." may be over doing it a little. The other 2 stanzas aren't quite as good.
We're all whores at some point in our lives.
Poets are the worst kind, we like to parade our words hoping others buy what we say.
Indulgent. The opening line works but I'm left thinking if their is more beyond the surface to this or if its my overactive mind.
Last stanza drop stirs up the leaves (you dont need THE)
Otherwise quite solid.
Hey, could you please tell me what does weighted score mean and how's it calculated?
A great poem with some excellent metaphors. However, I hope you wouldn't mind me calling this a loose adaptation of the traditional ghazal. Ghazals are a passion with me and the traditional form comes along various rules and restrictions including rhymes and refrains.
This might help you a bit: http://allpoetry.com/Column/784848
Nope, only a poet/jock/skeptic/actor I'm afraid.
you a computer nerd? Anyway, this was good!
I wouldn't disagree
I actually meant that in jest! And anyway, it's a pretty common error.
It was nice.
line 6: A[n] irridescent...
third stanza looks out of place with the repeated phrase: I lay back into the sheets...
I just found out it is. For God sakes child hurry and delete your comment. Oh God I can't bare to look!
If it's through Poetry.com do yourself a favor and delete your comment by clicking the red x by reply or else prepare yourself for disappointment.
you changed the words, added words, and it worked? thanks. I actually have a couple of my poems published in a 300 page poetry book called, A Surender to the Moon.
And true i dont know why i was so negitive about this poem. I mnean critizism comes and goes.
but thanks for the tips.
I like it , except that, alert and plum seems redundant within the line.
Answer:
"Some day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me..."