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Mandarin Trial (Free verse) by cyan9
I awoke from my slumber to the warmth of day.
Sunlight scattered 2D planes like glass panes through the room,
Cutting through to illuminate fragments of stars in the dust.
I lent forward and started to open the curtains,
Time stood still and after minutes within a split second
A irridescent wave of serotonin charged light burst through me.
I lay back into the sheets to curtail the rushes,
I lay back into the sheets, helpless to the bliss
Helpless, and paralysed in pleasure beyond all limits.
Powerless and limp to this Elysian outburst
I began my descent back into the pillows
Deeper down into my sleep within this world.
With jolting limb I awoke again into the warmth of day,
Sunlight scattered this time in celestial patterns,
Stars rebounded and I lay perplexed & confounded.
I fell back through the duvet, back through the mattress
Back into another world between the seems,
Panicked and begging to know of what fate awaited me.
Into a sunlit glade I was released.
Shards of light ricocheted off every tree,
Dew trickled down from forever green leaves,
I lay there, alive and paralysed within
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.3333335
Weighted score: 5.0397344
Overall Rank: 7152
Posted: November 9, 2005 5:51 AM PST; Last modified: November 9, 2005 5:51 AM PST
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Comments:
208 view(s)
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line 6: A[n] irridescent...
third stanza looks out of place with the repeated phrase: I lay back into the sheets...
About the third stanza - it just looks awkward seeing 'I lay' right above and below each other.
Maybe two different words, but both meaning some form of 'lay'?