Re: Words by Celticai	nentwined 76.89.158.49	14-Oct-08/7:09 PM
There's a lot here, some I'd like to see plumbed more deeply, some could well be spun off into its own ruminations ((striving to capture the correct word could be a novel, I think; then, I didn't get enough sleep last night)) The flow feels more like you're trying to find the poem (which is how I tend to write, myself, so maybe I'm reading too much into that). As it stands, I find it too clunky. But lots of promise.
Re: a comment on The Story of Wallace, Janey and Norman by Bethy	Bethy 165.154.46.134	14-Oct-08/8:31 AM
its not true...and 'threw' is a typo...blah...wasn't paying attention...I shortened this by 7 pages...good thing I didn't post it alll hahaha thanks my friend
Re: Amazing Grace ~ for all bass drummers ;) by Celticai	Bethy 165.154.46.134	14-Oct-08/8:26 AM
totally fun Drummah !!!
Re: Spanish Patio at Old Mission Inn by Dovina	Bethy 165.154.46.134	14-Oct-08/8:24 AM
your toooooo good for this site...:) but don't leave...I love reading what you write Dovina. I love the second last verse...(Then as if selected)
Re: Him, again and again... by hobojo	Bethy 165.154.46.134	14-Oct-08/8:18 AM
hmmmmm lost for words at this moment...love this
Re: Words by Celticai	Bethy 165.154.46.134	14-Oct-08/8:15 AM
get out of my head...lol...very good
Re: Spanish Patio at Old Mission Inn by Dovina	Ranger 81.152.177.114	14-Oct-08/1:34 AM
I like bits of this - some of the first stanza, and the last two lines in particular. 'Fall' would work better than 'fail' for me. I don't think the overtly Biblical imagery does it any favours though. I was thinking more along the lines of an old Gordon Lightfoot song - 'Spanish Moss'.
Re: Amazing Grace ~ for all bass drummers ;) by Celticai	Celticai 123.211.253.133	6-Oct-08/4:58 PM
Thanks.. Although the "Yes, it's better than..." are actually a rhythm that I use to play a calypso beat to Amazing Grace.
Re: a comment on Mountain Fever by Celticai	Celticai 123.211.253.133	6-Oct-08/4:57 PM
No I'm not. New Age influence definitely as I'm Wiccan.
Re: Amazing Grace ~ for all bass drummers ;) by Celticai	Dovina 75.82.253.189	6-Oct-08/4:56 PM
I'd leave out the yes's only because it sounds more like a drum without them. Most of the lines have a drum beat, but a few don't, like "Overlaid with the haunting tones of the pipes" Not that they all have to, but it would be nice.
Re: night owl (5) by elementalidad	Ranger 86.131.54.245	6-Oct-08/4:53 PM
I know more or less nothing about Japanese poetry, but this is a shining example of how good simplicity can be in poetry. Your others try to be a bit too poetic, whereas this makes the reader do all the work without realising it. Top drawer.
Re: The Story of Wallace, Janey and Norman by Bethy	Dovina 75.82.253.189	6-Oct-08/4:52 PM
it sounds true. I don't care if it's not. The meter is mostly so good that the odd lines stand out. Is there a reason for threw, not through, used throughout?
Re: a comment on my sweet by darylchew	darylchew 218.186.12.10	6-Oct-08/4:49 PM
ha ha
Re: a comment on Rails to Trails by Dovina	Ranger 86.131.54.245	6-Oct-08/4:48 PM
I used to cycle to work back in the days when I was a bit less lazy. But then I went to Australia where everywhere is far too far away to make bikes anything other than a comedy, and when I came back all I could do was drive. There are some nice cycle trails over here though, and you don't even have to spill blood for them. And the best part is that you're more or less guaranteed a pub every two miles.
Re: my sweet by darylchew	Dovina 75.82.253.189	6-Oct-08/4:46 PM
And I'll whisper back, You ugly piece of selfish flesh
Re: a comment on Rails to Trails by Dovina	Dovina 75.82.253.189	6-Oct-08/4:41 PM
sigh. I am on a bicycle much of the time, and sometimes on a rails-to-trails project where we, the pundits, have won against the developers. It's still rare to win these wars, but a battle worth a fair amount of blood.
Re: Alice to Slumber by Skamper	Ranger 86.131.54.245	6-Oct-08/4:39 PM
lol, fantastic.
Re: a comment on Rails to Trails by Dovina	Ranger 86.131.54.245	6-Oct-08/4:37 PM
I've been busy, too busy for writing recently. I'd try picking through all your poetic stresses but it's been a long day. I still think your writing's better when it shies away from the generalisations and concentrates more on something you know a lot about, or can target more easily. Where you at these days?
Re: a comment on Rails to Trails by Dovina	Dovina 75.82.253.189	6-Oct-08/4:34 PM
Hey, welcome back. Been gone myself, but not as gone as you. At least you didn't point out an up-tone word at the end of a line. hehe
Re: Mountain Fever by Celticai	Ranger 86.131.54.245	6-Oct-08/4:31 PM
Sort of New Age. Are you a painter?