| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Mountain Fever (Free verse) by Celticai The wind sends its breath
Across my body â my mind â my soul
Standing amidst these mountains of time
Iâm sensitized
Energizedâ¦
Joyous to be alive, wild, and free.
My heartbeat accelerates
Skin flushes with rosy tones of ardour
I tremble and shiver in responsive anticipation.
To be at one with the earth spirit that swirls around me
Surrounded yet alone
Selfish but compliant
Finding the summit wondrously.
I am on top of the world â a perfect moment in time.
Up the ladder:
Potential
Down the ladder:
The Instructor
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 8.166667
Posted: September 27, 2008 3:42 PM PDT; Last modified: September 27, 2008 3:42 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.851648 Overall Rank: 1564 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
[10]
Bethy @ 165.154.46.224
|
29-Sep-08/10:27 AM
|
Reply
perfect! I don't know what to say...I feel like I am sitting on a mountain in Peru. Thank you
[n/a]
Celticai @ 121.222.109.48
> Bethy
|
29-Sep-08/1:16 PM
|
Reply
If it resonated for you and touched your spirit, I am a very happy person! Thank you.
Sort of New Age. Are you a painter?
No I'm not. New Age influence definitely as I'm Wiccan.
As someone else wrote on one of your poems--"get out of my head!" Feels very much like something I would have written ten years ago (though I never really went for staircases).
That said, I find a lot of your words redundant (and in such a way as to render their compatriots less powerful). And the piece as a whole is missing some novelty, flow, or something to set it apart from a multitude of poems like it. Perhaps you can make it more personal?
Thank you Nentwined... I suppose the my verbosity overflows into my poetry. I speak very much as I write - just like Regency Ladies - twittering mindlessly, repetitiously covering the same inadequate sayings endeavouring to get my point across. I appreciate all the comments I receive from others on this site.
No one has actually commented on the intent of the poem. I've received many talking about the 'nature' of this poem - that it is about landscapes and one-ness with the earth. It was actually about seeking an orgasmic experience.. go figure.
Then either it's not a very good poem, or we're not very good readers.
I'd go with not a good poem personally.
187 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
