Re: Sonnet by zodiac	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	6-Feb-06/12:37 PM
I think I need explanation. I thought a sonnet had a distinctive rhyme pattern. (14 lines). That I see here. But the alternate rhyming between lines 1-12 is not clear. If I'm wrong about my idea ofa sonnet, please correct me. I find it rather confusing to understand a good sonnet, as I see different style wherever I check it out. This seeems to be a good piece from the vtes that I see, nevertheless, I want to make sure of what I'm voting. Till then...
Re: Hailing Miriam by Ranger	Adriaan 198.54.202.18	6-Feb-06/12:36 PM
I admit that I had to read the explanation of Lorelei to understand the reference, however once I had done so I understood... she is no longer luring men to their (little?) deaths.
Re: a comment on An Understanding Woman by Dovina	zodiac 209.193.9.218	6-Feb-06/12:36 PM
She does. She's got a way with words, for a doctor.
Re: Hailing Miriam by Ranger	Adriaan 198.54.202.18	6-Feb-06/12:34 PM
Hi Ranger, I love your poem - it really paints a picture for me. I think it would read easier if you split it into stanzas. The natural points (to my eye) were after With a pale flame and 'Hail Mary'; As the sunset sets a flame on cross /*cross on flame?*/; But Miriam finds herself under streetlights; She thinks it's better with two; Bathed in silk, blessed by musk; Miriam; Hailing Mary. I also thought that 'As the darkness is failing, wailing' would be better without the 'wailing'. Somehow the line 'She thinks it's better with two' doesn't work for me. Thanks, Adriaan
Re: An Understanding Woman by Dovina	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	6-Feb-06/12:28 PM
It's good. I liked it. By the way... congrats. You hit a double century! This is your 200th post on poemranker. Keep up the good work!
Re: a comment on An Understanding Woman by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	6-Feb-06/11:52 AM
I did.
Re: a comment on An Understanding Woman by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	6-Feb-06/11:51 AM
Yes, you can tell from how Grey uses words like “entrails” and “the thing burst”
Re: a comment on An Understanding Woman by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	6-Feb-06/11:49 AM
Sounds like you’ve never been personally involved, judging from the word “quite.”
Re: a comment on An Understanding Woman by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	6-Feb-06/11:48 AM
Or with negligence, malfeasance, or inattention. But what really gets to her is his lying about it. Men are like doctors who must never intimate that they are at fault, lest the confession wind up in court as damning evidence in a black-and-white-morality tale. At most they might say, “I’m sorry that things didn’t go as well as we had hoped.” The tort system makes adversaries of patient and physician, man and woman, and pushes each to offer heavily slanted versions of events.
Re: "46 million babies a year" by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Ranger 62.252.32.15	6-Feb-06/11:04 AM
One more embrowned gasp of astonishment from the eerie bowels of Hell.
Re: Tales From The Outhouse by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Ranger 62.252.32.15	6-Feb-06/10:43 AM
If I could I would vote this 10 thrice over, once for the poeme, once for the timeline comment, and once for making me laugh until Mount Brownesuvius threatened to blow. Armageddon!
Re: a comment on time (3rd draft) by Adriaan	Ranger 62.252.32.15	6-Feb-06/10:22 AM
I'd appreciate your views on my recent attempt, if you have the time.
Re: Bondage by MacFrantic	Ranger 62.252.32.15	6-Feb-06/10:19 AM
I liked this one.
Re: Legless Insecurity by PoeticXTC	Ranger 62.252.32.15	6-Feb-06/10:17 AM
The title led me to expect a more humorous poem. Not to say that it's a bad poem, of course. I'm assuming it's about a bully/jock/whatever kind of idiot you come across every day. Or maybe I'm reading it wrong. Even though it's a bit of a cliche, I liked the way you change direction in line 4; the poem just feels like it needs another couple of lines somewhere.
Re: UntitledPartTwo by click64	Ranger 62.252.32.15	6-Feb-06/10:13 AM
There are a couple of good lines here but the rest isn't as good. See the comments on 'Untitled' to get the gist of it. Grammatical points - 'Wouldn't of' should be 'wouldn't have'. Line 17 'I trust the wrong people who I can't trust' makes no sense. The last line isn't good; don't end with a 'life' question...ever. It doesn't make for good reading. On the plus side, the first line is very promising. You could do this a lot better...in my opinion you should move away from talking about the issue as itself and instead use metaphorical language. Finally, try to come up with a title for your poems. A lot of good poets tend to use the title as a quick explanation of what the poetic metaphor means.
Re: Untitled by click64	Ranger 62.252.32.15	6-Feb-06/10:05 AM
Right, the one part of this that stood out for me is the start of stanza 2; I assume you mean arranged marriages, right? Write about that, write about how it's (from your perspective) such an undesirable thing, write about the injustice you face. But the trick is to do what Dovina has said here: be original. Take it out of the first-person for starters...the 'top down' third-person poems generally suit this theme much more.
Re: FAITH by click64	Ranger 62.252.32.15	6-Feb-06/9:59 AM
You capitalise 'Faith' and 'Pain', but not 'god'?!?
Re: a waste of time by hendrimike	Ranger 62.252.32.15	6-Feb-06/9:57 AM
Should be longer, either you're a delinquent or you have far too much money for your own good! 8 years? That's a hell of a course!
Re: Inoperative Head Mechanism by D. $ Fontera	Ranger 62.252.32.15	6-Feb-06/9:51 AM
Yes, the thinker's comeback. Nice sharp ending.
Re: Pendragon by ecargo	Ranger 62.252.32.15	6-Feb-06/9:42 AM
Yes, nice. Not sure about 'drown in pain'...far too overused, and I thought from the title that there'd be reference to Excalibur in here, is that the intention of the final three lines?