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UntitledPartTwo (Free verse) by click64 Itâs like a tangle of Roses.
The problem is complicated.
And if I try to unravel it, I get hurt.
Motivation is what I need,
Some driving force,
Something to look forward to,
Something to rely on.
I wish I could click my fingers,
And disappear to another place.
If I had kept my mouth shut.
Suffered alone, in the dark.
I wouldnât of risked losing everything.
All the things I tried hard to keep close,
All I did was cause others pain.
I know what I am,
But do you? Do you want to know?
Who can I trust? I trust the wrong people who I canât trust.
And the people I can trust, I donât.
Why is life so tortuous?
Up the ladder:
This Just In...
Down the ladder:
IN THESE DREAMS FOREVER
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 1.5
Posted: February 4, 2006 4:00 PM PST; Last modified: February 4, 2006 4:00 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.8340096 Overall Rank: 10753 Comments:
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Grammatical points - 'Wouldn't of' should be 'wouldn't have'. Line 17 'I trust the wrong people who I can't trust' makes no sense.
The last line isn't good; don't end with a 'life' question...ever. It doesn't make for good reading. On the plus side, the first line is very promising. You could do this a lot better...in my opinion you should move away from talking about the issue as itself and instead use metaphorical language.
Finally, try to come up with a title for your poems. A lot of good poets tend to use the title as a quick explanation of what the poetic metaphor means.