Re: a comment on A Midnight Call by amanda_dcosta	drnick 24.176.22.254	14-Feb-06/1:38 PM
I do like it, it's just hard for me to relate to. I hope that your poem, if written, would not be out of spite and if not, I would be truely honored; as with any poet, it's safe to say the number of poems we've written to others outweighs the number we receive. I also hope that you don't think you will change my mind, I need some hard evidence for that. I live my life morally, and appreciate religion's influence on that; it proves to be a good guideline for mankind. If I burn in hell for all I've done, then bring it on. Disco Inferno.
Re: In response to by INTRANSIT	zodiac 209.193.18.30	14-Feb-06/12:59 PM
I'm with the critiquers who said downplay the 'deer in the headlights'. Maybe just have it walk onto the road at night with you coming on. Don't say the actual words 'deer caught in my headlights', whatever adjectives you think might camoulflage them.
Re: In response to by INTRANSIT	richa 81.178.237.26	14-Feb-06/12:56 PM
'I am the deer caught off guard by my own complacent headlights' is fine. I don't think it is meant to be an image so much as a reference to and modification of a cliche.
Re: Happy 40th Anniversary by Dovina	zodiac 209.193.18.30	14-Feb-06/12:56 PM
Wish this had a story.
Re: Sonnet for Snow by ecargo	zodiac 209.193.18.30	14-Feb-06/12:55 PM
Nice.
Re: Escape by raven_the_poet	zodiac 209.193.18.30	14-Feb-06/12:51 PM
The easiest and wrongest thing to do in poetry is end every line on a full-stop - that is, with a period or strong punctuation. Your goal needs to be to write thoughts that run through the ends of the line, and that also make the grammar close to normal instead of backwards and archaic. That's not hard to do, but it takes practice.
Re: Happy 40th Anniversary by Dovina	richa 81.178.237.26	14-Feb-06/12:50 PM
'Of what fabric are wishes made?' is a punchy line to start with but you make no attempt to elucidate. It can't be ascertained why you sneer so much. To start a thing is vague and quite clunky. The middle of the poem is unarresting. Death refrain is an interesting use of language. Good to say we've come a long way is a decent idea. I just think the poem needs more meat in the place of the cliches of wilderness, anniveraries pass etc.
Re: Lost In Her Effervescence by ALChemy	zodiac 209.193.18.30	14-Feb-06/12:49 PM
If you haven't given it yet, here are my suggestions. Except for the half rhyme you could stand to lose "in soft waters of", so do the next best thing: drop "of a cold boiling ocean". Or somehow combine the two. "beneath the driving rain" is one instance where you can drop "the". "tumbling" and "boiling" seem a little too easy and light for your cold ocean. I'd prefer edgier words. She might not. And easy way to handle punctuation AND edge would be to simply say "I tumble through swarming bubbles." I want to hear more about the air that isn't there. Is there time? It's a great hint of image/predicament/etc, anyway. "A chill so, that it burns the illusion / of fire," - ??? That's a little grammar-weird. I can see why, but... "In my bones, they know" - since it's you bones that know, it'd be best to clear that up: "My bones, they know", "In my bones, I know", "These old bones, they know" - something. That's all. And again, I think you'll get laid whatever you do with it.
Re: Lost In Her Effervescence by ALChemy	zodiac 209.193.18.30	14-Feb-06/12:42 PM
Crits can wait. I hope she liked it.
Re: Winter Wonderland by raven_the_poet	zodiac 209.193.18.30	14-Feb-06/12:40 PM
Surely, you can think of a better title for this than one that's already the name of a famous song.
Re: I am the gayest by walrus8	Glasseyez 204.49.132.56	14-Feb-06/11:55 AM
lol Mr Gayness
Re: a comment on Journeyman by Glasseyez	Glasseyez 204.49.132.56	14-Feb-06/11:44 AM
Yea I meant four of the seven seas, but i thought that would sound too drawn out, I actually have heard that before, maybe i will just pick up a poetry for dummies book something informative just so I can know the proper way to write a decent poem, with the grammer and all. I appreciate your constructive criticm, thinking of ways to use it without ruining the poems altogether. I am still on the level where i just write what sounds good to me and makes sense. I need to work on using metaphors better and more often. I wrote this listening to johnny cash so I guess I was just thinking about his voice while working on it.
Re: a comment on Escape by raven_the_poet	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	14-Feb-06/11:43 AM
Yes I recall reading something about Poe using the real murder as the basis for the story. I think I even read something about him thinking he might solve the case while writing the mystery.
Re: a comment on Escape by raven_the_poet	Ranger 62.252.32.15	14-Feb-06/11:28 AM
Cigar girl, not matchstick girl, my bad. I can't find the actual article itself (the book appears to still be in print and under copyright), but the theory is that the story of Marie Roget was based on the actual murder of a girl named Mary Cecilia Rogers, and that the details in the story fit too closely to actual facts from the crime which I believe Poe would not have had access to. Or something like that. I forget, but next time I'm home I'll have a look for the book.
Re: The Emptiness Of My Soul by edgar-allen-poe-rox	Glasseyez 204.49.132.56	14-Feb-06/11:20 AM
More to live than women/men. Try bowling it feels empowering to knock pins over with a ball. No idea why
Re: Escape by raven_the_poet	Glasseyez 204.49.132.56	14-Feb-06/11:06 AM
This angry world nothing but a race. change that this will be great now its good.
Re: a comment on Escape by raven_the_poet	Ranger 62.252.32.15	14-Feb-06/11:01 AM
I'll see what I can dredge up, although seeing as I read it in a book I had ages ago I don't know how much info will be on the net.
Re: a comment on Escape by raven_the_poet	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	14-Feb-06/11:00 AM
No I didn't but he's had so many enemies in his time I wouldn't be surprised if one of them accused him of being Jack The Ripper. Please find me a link if you can I'm quite interested.
Re: a comment on In response to by INTRANSIT	Ranger 62.252.32.15	14-Feb-06/10:58 AM
Yeah, I was curious enough to check the 'ip by user' link...man that ip is a hotspot for multiplicity.
Re: a comment on In response to by INTRANSIT	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	14-Feb-06/10:56 AM
I think the Dark Angel "Gay" poem has Frazer as a possible alias also if I remember correctly.