Re: a comment on Judged by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.22.161	16-Mar-06/2:02 PM
Yeah, I changed s5&6. See edit.
Re: a comment on Judged by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.22.161	16-Mar-06/2:00 PM
The last stanza is diatribe, for sure. I could do without it, but it makes me feel better, kinda like poking pins in an effigy doll.
Re: a comment on Judged by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.22.161	16-Mar-06/1:53 PM
It cracked me up too when I heard a guy say it in this very context. Guess you've never been lynched, vigilante style.
Re: a comment on Settling in by INTRANSIT	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	16-Mar-06/12:43 PM
I sure did;) I know, the restraining orders in the mail.
Re: Judged by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	16-Mar-06/12:35 PM
Ain't really pickin' much up from this but the "hot dog" stanza cracked me up.
Re: a comment on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	16-Mar-06/12:30 PM
But Amanda you should know better than to speak of such things as Zodiac's wife dying. The Bird Flu should be hitting Alaska within weeks. I swear, God must love him alot 'cause he always seems to be at the wrong place at the wrong time and still makes it out in one piece.
Re: Mango Pickle by amanda_dcosta	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	16-Mar-06/12:00 PM
The off rhythm doesn't seem to work well with the upbeat poem.
Re: a comment on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	16-Mar-06/11:56 AM
Don't worry Amanda, Zodiac does believe in God. His God just happens to be him.
Re: a comment on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	16-Mar-06/11:42 AM
You cannot imagine a god that exist beyond the rules I stated either, you can only pretend like you can.
Re: a comment on Settling in by INTRANSIT	INTRANSIT 205.188.117.6	16-Mar-06/11:27 AM
Sorry ladies, the floor adores (like the rest of the house) the presence of its owner. And don't the groan/adore/floor almost sound like groans? And don't they make noises even if they're carpeted? Or does everyone own a high tech no-squeak flooring system. bleh. I'll take a house with character any day. Thanks for the help. Is it better?
Re: Coventry nights by Caducus	Dental Panic 84.27.6.94	16-Mar-06/8:52 AM
Unlike the sepukku from you previous post, here the Chinese font makes sense to me. It should be longer, though. The ending comes a bit too soon, I think.
Re: At The Station by Christof	Ranger 62.252.32.15	16-Mar-06/8:37 AM
'Damp yellow light' works beautifully, and the bank clerk's grin similie put a smile on my face! The continuity across lines 7 and 8 felt odd, somehow - personally I'd try and avoid using 'That needs' at the start of the line; but then again it would be pretty awkward to twist around effectively. The loose rhyme scheme suits this piece, not so distracting that it detracts from the imagery, but enough to make itself known in the background. Top class.
Re: a comment on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina	zodiac 209.193.18.99	16-Mar-06/8:35 AM
I've often wondered the same thing. Sometimes I think the real sign of Job's faith wasn't that he believed in God through hardship, but that he believed when everything was going great for him. I've often not had cash in my pocket. I have had rough times. I've seen awful things happen. When people talk about all the crap they go through in their lives, I usually think I've had about the same number of bad things happen to me. Um, if my wife died...? I honestly can't say. I think I could handle it, but there's no telling. Anyway, I'd mistrust any religion that was so obviously a crutch. I mean, if my wife dies and I just HAVE TO believe that there's an afterlife because I can't stand the thought of her simply being GONE... well, I haven't had any EXPERIENCE of God. I don't have anything showing me there is a heaven. I just have need or want. Want isn't God, to me. It doesn't add to my knowledge or experience. Anyway, that's all kind of beside the point, for me. I don't mean that I have fewer bad experiences or times in my life, but that when I have a bad time, I really believe I'm going to be able to take care of it on my own. So the experience doesn't seem so bad. I don't know, maybe if I believed in God, if I was fatalistic or lacked confidence, those times would seem worse to me. My life would seem worse. You know? PS-I enjoy these conversations too.
Re: Birdcalls by poetandknowit	Ranger 62.252.32.15	16-Mar-06/8:25 AM
Fantastic opener, the first stanza was favoured over the second (nice as it was, it lacked the nostalgic edge that stanza 1 had). 'Gathers light from my last youthful days'...beautiful...one of those (many) things that makes me want to get out of the city again. Anyway, you may or may not read this; either way I'll post my apologies for various stupid rants in the past - they served no purpose other than to fuel my conviction that I was the greatest poet on Earth and above criticism. So there it is; I think you're a very good writer and shall read through your list of poems as I should have done already. Peace?
Re: Mango Pickle by amanda_dcosta	zodiac 209.193.18.99	16-Mar-06/8:16 AM
Much of Salman Rushdie's novel Midnight's Children is about mango pickle. You must have picked up on the same vibe.
Re: a comment on Endless Battle by rahson_s	Ranger 62.252.32.15	16-Mar-06/8:09 AM
Well we've got meta-kus, why not meta-free verses? I wrote a meta-villanelle the other day. Aren't I clever?
Re: Endless Battle by rahson_s	Dental Panic 84.27.6.94	16-Mar-06/8:06 AM
Writing about writing - it must be fucking good to be at least a bit interesting.
Re: Judged by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	16-Mar-06/7:52 AM
Hmm...I don't really know what to make of this. I think Caducus nailed it with stanzas 1 and 6, something about 'hot dog...he does not eat' sat uneasy with me. The last stanza seemed very 'message-y', which I'm not a fan of in poems. Stanza 4 is good though.
Re: a comment on 3/12/06 by cronus	Ranger 62.252.32.15	16-Mar-06/7:46 AM
Heh...some of the things we said to each other are embarrassing...if I thought he'd read it, I'd apologise to him...what *would* he make of me now?
Re: a comment on 3/12/06 by cronus	ecargo 167.219.88.140	16-Mar-06/7:44 AM
Good god, Ranger--don't invoke the man from Misery (PAKI)! Sheesh. That's all we need.