Re: a comment on The Unforgiven II by alvinb	Niphredil 132.69.238.221	2-Apr-06/11:35 AM
And title, to boot.
Re: a comment on Monsters by raven_the_poet	Niphredil 132.69.238.221	2-Apr-06/11:30 AM
You have a fine narrative style and a healthy sense of rhythm and meter to go with it. I have to agree, though, that a monster poem isn't the most fascinating read, unless there's some twist at then. I actually found bits of it quite amusing, (monsters knocking at the door), although the general impression i got of the monsters was of a traffic light (green skin, flashing yellow and red eyes) with really sharp teeth. The part about Jane reading from a book is incomplete and feels quite out of place.
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	2-Apr-06/3:15 AM
Lovely!
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	2-Apr-06/3:04 AM
Brittany.
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	2-Apr-06/1:25 AM
And what may I ask is her name... if you don't mind. And don't tell me it's Sunshine!
Re: The Obelisk by MacFrantic	patty t 70.30.214.253	1-Apr-06/10:59 PM
love how the last line collapses
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	1-Apr-06/6:14 PM
It's basically the sequal to "Sunlighting". Where Sunlighting was about making time to spend with children This poem's about carrying a child through difficult and traumatic events. In this case my niece's parents were on the verge of divorce and she had just found out about it so I was helping her make it through that hard time. I've been thinking of renaming it something like "Solar Eclipse".
Re: a comment on Cat Feet by Niphredil	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	1-Apr-06/5:57 PM
"It was quiet like the conquering worm". Nope, shit, that one's been taken too.
Re: Fiery Hands by Sunny	Dovina 68.164.65.122	1-Apr-06/3:55 PM
I see you trying to incorporate the comments on the former version, but to ill effect. I hate when people do to me whast I wioll do to you: The woman does not move; her clock has amnesia, and her hands are scarred. The peeping bird has ceased its back-‘forth routine, and the mother, in her complacent gown under the arch of the bathroom door, is consumed by a force greater than herself. It makes her baby’s oval lips silent, before it’s attempted cry. The toddler’s pruned fingers twisted the cold water off, allowed hot water to spill; and now the boiling water tightens on the skin that lies prey-pink raw. He is a statue that burns, he sees out of blue eyes. tortured stare nembraces her. Frozen fingers are in limbo in this eternal pause, cementing her feet. Baby’s mouth is opened without the screech; time quit in the seconds that lived before a wail and attempt. Not perfect. Play with it.
Re: a comment on Monsters by raven_the_poet	raven_the_poet 216.45.130.159	1-Apr-06/2:57 PM
Thanks for the criticism. I would, however, like to point out that I am only thirteen, and the entire poem was not done by me ;)
Re: Monsters by raven_the_poet	Sunny 66.69.36.222	1-Apr-06/2:36 PM
For the most part, & I am not out to hurt feelings, but in order to improve, we must take the blatent truth sometimes, adults don't want to read a novel-lenght poem about monsters. Some of your comparisons were almost funny, they had such an elementary element to them...I could go on but overall, I didn't finish your poem because I became pretty bored. Try studying some talented free verse poetry, maybe changing your style might work. You have the narrative imagination but it needs to be pulled up quite a few notches to be a "good read." ~Sunny
Re: Piccadilly to Baker Street by Caducus	Sunny 66.69.36.222	1-Apr-06/2:28 PM
I liked this one a lot. Intellectual wording with vivid description of assorted personalities and a clever ending. I felt a couple of lines in S1 were a bit forced...just too much if you know what I mean. I liked this read overall though. ~Sunny
Re: The Considerate Lover by Tascobar	raven_the_poet 216.45.130.159	1-Apr-06/2:14 PM
Haha.
Re: Today's Spam by nentwined	raven_the_poet 216.45.130.159	1-Apr-06/2:13 PM
i love this =)
Re: Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	raven_the_poet 216.45.130.159	1-Apr-06/1:56 PM
I don't know why people are being so rude about this poem. I love it, and I always have liked anything about the heavenly bodies. Nice work ^^
Re: The Unforgiven II by alvinb	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	1-Apr-06/1:45 PM
I suppose you're hoping Lars will throw another press conference and announce that he's suing you like he did Napster. Good luck with that. My vote's this: "lO" It's not a real ten but a copy of a ten.
Re: a comment on Old Friend by drnick	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	1-Apr-06/1:35 PM
Go ahead. I'm like a drug dealer, first one's always free. :)
Re: a comment on A Country Anecdote by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	1-Apr-06/1:29 PM
Well I'm sure Amanda thinks you've got a nice ass too but it'll be hell trying to get her to admit it. I guess your just not used to people being so moved by your poetry that they can't think of anything better to say than "Beautiful". Get used to it. It's a good thing.
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	1-Apr-06/1:21 PM
Now that you mention it, it does remind me of one of his Songs of Innocense. I do hope it's William and not Robert that you're talking about.
Re: a comment on Old Friend by drnick	Dovina 70.38.78.229	1-Apr-06/1:18 PM
Yes, Verse 4. Sorry.