Re: a comment on A Bronze Mule by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.43.38	19-Apr-06/5:19 PM
While that is not what I was thinking, I will allow you that interpretation. It's a far sight better than Hitler's rendering of the New Testament and Stephen Robins' take on WWII.
Re: a comment on A Bronze Mule by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	19-Apr-06/5:13 PM
I guess this could be the artist/theologist mule you're talking about. If so, I like the bronze idea.
Re: grim task by lmp	Dovina 12.72.43.38	19-Apr-06/5:10 PM
Verses 1 and 2 are good. Verse 3 is awkward. The repeated line, "he collects himself and his meager pay" seems bland for a "grim task."
Re: a comment on A Bronze Mule by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.43.38	19-Apr-06/5:04 PM
lol. I have had 0. Explain that!
Re: The Waiting Room by Sunny	Dovina 12.72.43.38	19-Apr-06/5:03 PM
I like the ambiguous ending. I think such an ending deserves tightness throughout. That would make it stronger, I think. "These depictions are levitating inside my peripherals" could "depictions levitate." "I recognize this room as a waiting room." -> "a waiting room." concrete certainties are the same as just "certainties." etc.
Re: a comment on A Bronze Mule by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	19-Apr-06/4:57 PM
I always thought the rule of 3 was that you can tell how many women a man has had by dividing the amount he gives by 3 and you can tell how many men a woman has had by multiplying the amount she gives by 3.
Re: a comment on A Bronze Mule by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.43.38	19-Apr-06/4:53 PM
Then you have a feeling for what it means. Go for explaining it please. And do not worry that I will impose the pompspouter rule again.
Re: A Bronze Mule by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	19-Apr-06/4:50 PM
I love this. I have no idea what it means but I love it.
Re: Murder Phoenix Born (meta-villanelle) by Ranger	lmp 141.154.134.3	19-Apr-06/4:12 PM
this is so great.... question about line 8: "The flash of early column light"... would this be a little clearer as "The early flash of columnar light"? as in the column of light flashed too early, or it happens early, and beware the flash in general? still amazing, and i know you want to refine it more to carry more meanings... bravo, encore.
Re: Sarah's Song by wilco	annadoc 161.7.2.160	19-Apr-06/2:33 PM
Contemplative. I liked it.
Re: A Kiss Beneath The Blossom Tree by Caducus	annadoc 161.7.2.160	19-Apr-06/2:29 PM
I thought the imagery was very good. I also noted the small edits needed such as (comma after again, before words "my love"), the blossom(s) fell like soft rain, and mis-spelled word incense. I thought this was one of the best poems I've read here.
Re: Misplaced Life by Richard	annadoc 161.7.2.160	19-Apr-06/2:20 PM
I thought this poem had some depth to the verse. gave me pause.
Re: a comment on Story remains the same by annadoc	annadoc 161.7.2.160	19-Apr-06/2:16 PM
thank you for the thoughts...what I truly need to improve ... and I've been reading others and have to compose my thoughts on those and give my feed back... and I feel I can get some useful inspiration -- I also thought this was a cliche (myself).
Re: It destroyed my life by T. Jonathron Remp	Sunny 66.69.36.222	19-Apr-06/9:50 AM
I know you are trying to get across a deep agony here but, there are certain things I did not like poetically about this piece: the line breaks threw me off with you half-sliced thoughts, the dramatic line indentations that I have no clue as to why those lines in particular are meant to be so emphasized, the -all of a sudden- rhyming scheme plopped into the poem. This poem needs to be clarified & "tidied up" overall a lot in my opinion. ~Sunny
Re: Nonchalantly by Plaidypus	Sunny 66.69.36.222	19-Apr-06/9:41 AM
I liked the way you went "nonchalantly" around your conclusion of becoming anorexic. You told the story, in a way, of the origin of this crippling disease, which I also find quite interesting. Good, clean line breaks. I liked the overall feel of it. You got your point across very clearly & had no problems whatsoever with you clarity. Your poem survived by the way you went around explaining so "nonchalantly" something that has the potential to be deadly, ironically enough. Thanks, Sunny
Re: A Bronze Mule by Dovina	Ranger 81.152.176.97	19-Apr-06/7:14 AM
Good stuff, although it sounds like you limited your market research to one slightly clueless chap. And grace in defeat means that you may feel humble, but never humiliated. Only suggestion is that in the final stanza, put another task after 'row to plow' - makes it fit with the rule of three. Other than that, good story.
Re: a comment on Murder Phoenix Born (meta-villanelle) by Ranger	Ranger 81.152.176.97	19-Apr-06/7:09 AM
Edit made: 'speckled bone'. It works better than previously.
Re: a comment on In Ethel’s Honor by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.36.159	19-Apr-06/7:00 AM
You have him pegged. “quietly determined” describes him perfectly. It’s great when somebody understands.
Re: In Ethel’s Honor by Dovina	elderking 209.79.199.121	19-Apr-06/5:13 AM
Ethel had an honorable and loving man in that one... I like the way I can picture him... so quietly determined...his Ethel would have her lily. Very good.
Re: rush hour by pollywolly	Ranger 81.152.176.97	19-Apr-06/1:10 AM
Not sure about using 'roar' so many times, although animalistic I'm sure there are alternatives which carry the same feral weight. Also, 'sand-made' panes. Other than that, I really like the idea in this, describing yourself, I presume, as a small woodland creature watching some savage, lionesque beast. In the main it has great word choice and good imagery.