poemranker ::rush hour by pollywolly

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Free verse № 136791

rush hour

by pollywolly

Member since 2006 · Posted 11 Jan 2006 · Edited 19 Apr 2006 · 1 comment

the summer green leaves rustle as the roar it roars makes fear run through me brings sweat to my pores while the sun beats down upon the beings who bask they are brave to face the roar while i, i hide behind the sand made panes and watch, watch as chaos descends

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1 comment

[8] Ranger 19-Apr-06/1:10 AM Reply
Not sure about using 'roar' so many times, although animalistic I'm sure there are alternatives which carry the same feral weight. Also, 'sand-made' panes.
Other than that, I really like the idea in this, describing yourself, I presume, as a small woodland creature watching some savage, lionesque beast. In the main it has great word choice and good imagery.