Re: a comment on 72 virgins (but the bitches ain't fun) by ALChemy	Ranger 62.252.32.15	17-May-06/9:44 AM
Haha, I'm hoping to see a full-length version of this!
Re: 72 virgins (but the bitches ain't fun) by ALChemy	Ranger 62.252.32.15	17-May-06/9:42 AM
Oh man, you tempt me away from the reams of paperwork... This made me laugh so hard, the best early birthday present I've ever had! Actually, I haven't found a song this funny since Al Yankovic parodied "Lola" (the master of parodies working from Ray Davies, the master of satire; a winning combination if ever there was one). While you folks are around there's no way I'm going to be able to keep away for long. 'Rabbi critics, they say he's justa "Sunni Cash Ho". He formed a Jihad, stupid, got whacked by some Joes'. That will remain with me forever :-D
Re: 72 virgins (but the bitches ain't fun) by ALChemy	Niphredil 132.68.55.105	17-May-06/8:48 AM
Tried to fuck that ho like he couldn't in the hood / but damn! that bitch, she a virgin for good Whatever he do, can't stick it in, no hole, just skin, Gonna beat his meat forever cuz he just can't win. Nigga never knew all he'd do was masturbate Once he blew himself sky-high through the Pearly Gates But yours is better :-) true to da beat.
Re: Lost In Her Effervescence by ALChemy	Caducus 86.143.108.103	17-May-06/8:37 AM
Good title, not a bad stab and i like the way you go straight into it - no fucking about. The last line but 3 - suds? I'm sure you can find a better word than suds and that line is clumsy anyway as you'll find it hard to convince people that an abyss is blissful so how about - mother sun's fingers stroke the abyss only to fade on its burning mouth close to her lips where i drowned only to surface with lies. something along those lines maybe, it has potential bud.
Re: 72 virgins (but the bitches ain't fun) by ALChemy	Niphredil 132.68.55.105	17-May-06/8:32 AM
"They just don't give a Shiite". 10 because I fuckin' loved that line. I was actually planning to try a parody on that following your conversation w/ Ranger, but you beat me to it and did it great! ^_^
Re: 72 virgins (but the bitches ain't fun) by ALChemy	Caducus 86.143.108.103	17-May-06/8:29 AM
I dont think I have seen something so mixed in that some of its really good such as the 72 virgins and L2V1 but it slides into the not so good with words like twat. I'm all for bad language but your work here is a cocktail of par excellence and below average. I'm inspired and disappointed all at once lol.
Re: 72 virgins (but the bitches ain't fun) by ALChemy	ALChemy 71.75.176.68	17-May-06/7:53 AM
Oh now Edna, at least be brave enough to not to drop an "anonymous" turd on me. You know that it's funny.
Re: a comment on Tree of Life by ALChemy	ALChemy 71.75.176.68	17-May-06/7:43 AM
Esoteric is a good word to describe it. That's usually a sign of a great poem.
Re: Tree of Life by ALChemy	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.14.1	17-May-06/7:37 AM
Odd. Are you saying the leaves fly to warm nests? That's a bit esoteric.
Re: Old River Sherbourne by Caducus	ALChemy 71.75.176.68	17-May-06/7:33 AM
Nice image.
Re: a comment on A Snap Shot by amanda_dcosta	ALChemy 71.75.176.68	17-May-06/7:18 AM
If you have a good sense of color theory and layout you can get away with alot of other weaknesses. Just say it's abstract or expressionistic. What's your difficulty? Maybe I can help.
Re: a comment on Old River Sherbourne by Caducus	Caducus 86.143.108.103	17-May-06/7:16 AM
I think you're right and as I'm supposed to be writing a book on coventry i think it needs sorting so thanks.
Re: a comment on The Prodigal Daughter by Dovina	ALChemy 71.75.176.68	17-May-06/7:09 AM
You'd think that opening you left for yourself would have brought Zodiac out of hiding almost instantly.
Re: a comment on The Prodigal Daughter by Dovina	ALChemy 71.75.176.68	17-May-06/7:05 AM
I already told you I was out of internet. I meant what I said and I said what I meant. I lost internet... 100 percent.
Re: Goa by amanda_dcosta	ALChemy 71.75.176.68	17-May-06/6:57 AM
Don't use stanzas in this poem. Lose the line spaces and just stick the whole thing together so it brings out the story quality of the poem better. "atop" not "a top", plus you've got alot of capital letters in the wrong place. Otherwise it's one of the best things you've written. Ps. I have no idea what the hell Dovina is talking about. She always wants to downsize poems.
Re: 72 virgins (but the bitches ain't fun) by ALChemy	ALChemy 71.75.176.68	17-May-06/6:38 AM
Technically not a Glosa but close enough: "99 Problems" If your havin girl problems i feel bad for you son I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one [Verse One] I got the rap patrol on the gat patrol Foes that wanna make sure my casket's closed Rap critics that say he's "Money Cash Hoes" I'm from the hood stupid what type of facts are those If you grew up with holes in your zapitos You'd celebrate the minute you was havin doe I'm like fuck critics you can kiss my whole asshole If you don't like my lyrics you can press fast forward Got beef with radio if i don't play they show They don't play my hits well i don't give a shit SO Rap mags try and use my black ass So advertisers can give em more cash for ads...fuckers I don't know what you take me as or understand the intellegence that Jay-Z has I'm from rags to ritches nigga i ain't dumb I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one Hit me [Chorus] 99 Problems but a bitch ain't one If you havin girl problems i feel bad for you son I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one Hit me -Jay Z
Re: Old River Sherbourne by Caducus	richa 85.210.105.112	17-May-06/3:12 AM
Like most of it. Slaughter, tombs and grave are a bit overwrought though.
Re: Old River Sherbourne by Caducus	richa 85.210.105.112	17-May-06/3:10 AM
I believe Canute was demonstrating the limits of kingly power to his subjects.
Re: a comment on Peeping Through The Window by Edna Sweetlove	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.37.89	16-May-06/4:47 PM
Bollocks to you. This is genius. If you don't think so you are dim.
Re: Goa by amanda_dcosta	Dovina 70.38.78.229	16-May-06/1:38 PM
This is a nice narrative and story. As a poem, it lacks the usually expected structures. For example, the first verse might be reworded Well known for babes, beaches and beer. Goa - a dream come true. Not crazy about "nay" and "crazily."