Re: sayndewicches by FreeFormFixation	wilco 24.92.74.122	5-Jul-06/7:03 PM
These poems with no punctuation are starting to kick me in my ass. Good one, though.
Re: Songs of the hedge bird by ALChemy	wilco 24.92.74.122	5-Jul-06/7:00 PM
You give me a poetry boner.
Re: Hugo by little_angel_maria	wilco 24.92.74.122	5-Jul-06/6:57 PM
Can't really say anythnig that hasn't already been said in other comments. Don't want to be unoriginal with my commments, now do I? Basically, this just reads like a letter you's pass to someone in High School. That's not really something that the average Poemeranker user wants to read (unless it's directed at them). So, that being said, just try to work on setting yourself apart.
Re: The Angle of your Downfall by MacFrantic	wilco 24.92.74.122	5-Jul-06/6:51 PM
Um..curiouser and curiouser? I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt that you're trying to be cute there. THe lack of punctuation is bothersome as well. I dig the rest.
Re: Our Lady of the Rock by Zoe	wilco 24.92.74.122	5-Jul-06/6:42 PM
The indentions are a little annoying, but not too bad. The poem itself is ace for the imagery and language. Subject matter is not really my cup of whiskey but I still like it just the same.
Re: Bedlam Bazaar by Zoe	wilco 24.92.74.122	5-Jul-06/6:39 PM
The translating was a bit annoying. I suppose it wouldn't be if I were Welsh...of course, then the English might be annoying...basically I think that you's have to be bilingual in that aspect to enjoy it completely. My personal preference is that you use one or the other...but I'm just one man. You've got some really nice imagery here and it's enjoyable as it is.
Re: What? (Wot?) by ecargo	wilco 24.92.74.122	5-Jul-06/6:34 PM
I have no idea what you're talking about, but it sounds good.
Re: a comment on Songs of the hedge bird by ALChemy	ALChemy 209.23.202.76	5-Jul-06/2:25 PM
No need to worry about our little friend. He's in birdy heaven. I doubt much can harm him now.
Re: a comment on Songs of the hedge bird by ALChemy	ecargo 63.22.64.23	5-Jul-06/1:06 PM
Hee--Niphredil, you cynic.
Re: a comment on How to Bleed by MacFrantic	ecargo 63.22.64.23	5-Jul-06/12:53 PM
Such a relief! I much prefer my image of you as a rather dashing, plummy, amusingly foul-mouthed/minded Bright Young Thing (more pre-Great-War Edwardian, you understand, as opposed to Sloan-ish). Carry on. And watch the ropey trajectories, would you? I just had this dry-cleaned. P.S. I went camping with my best friend, a pocketless Gay, these past couple of days, and we laughed endlessly over "bell-end." Your fame extends.
Re: O say, can you see? by Dovina	ecargo 63.22.64.23	5-Jul-06/12:38 PM
I do like this--its cadence and movement--but it's vague and I'm not sure what it's about, really (except in the broadest of ways). Not that everything has to be spelled out (I prefer obliqueness to obviousness), but some carefully chosen specifics might provide a guidepost. Also, the opposite of tyranny isn't necessarily rampant disorder--order is possible, I think (hope!) without opression. Anyway, as usual, you aim for the bigger issues and what works, works well. Hope you had a happy Fourth.
Re: Songs of the hedge bird by ALChemy	ecargo 63.22.64.23	5-Jul-06/12:30 PM
Sammy, my sister's conure, screams defiance at all the birds he hears outside. Not a romantic, like your bird in this. This has a really nice storybook quality to it. The rhymes are simple and you have nice variation (near rhymes sometimes, instead of slavishly sticking with dead-on rhyming) that prevents it from coming off as stilted. A very pretty tale in the nicest of ways.
Re: a comment on Higher education by ecargo	ecargo 63.22.64.23	5-Jul-06/12:22 PM
Innuendo intended! You read it exactly as I wrote it. So if you need to think about changing how your read poetry, I probably need to think about how I sometimes write it. ;)
Re: August 23, 1944 - 102 miles west of Paris by Ranger	ecargo 63.22.13.175	5-Jul-06/12:11 PM
I like the imagery and the way you've told this, Ranger. Some word/imagery choices leave me a little confused though (and it may be that I'm misreading it). Are the "oxen" tanks? And if so, since the field is dead, the choice of "ploughing" and other words that speak of farming--of planting a seed that will grow and flourish and nurture--seems contradictory (the field being dead and all). If you're equating it to the sowing of dragon's teeth (a la Jason) or sowing fields with salt in warfare, I'm not getting that in what's given. "Whittling" seems an odd word choice, though the emptiness--of the shell, the hollowness of a ring--works really nicely. I like the ocean imagery and the last verse is a winner (though I'd tweak it a little, if it were mine--little things: stopping after "purchase" (though you'd have to punctuate throughout then) and dropping "While" and just saying "On the ground lies . . ."). Blah blah blah aside, I like it a lot.
Re: Bedlam Bazaar by Zoe	ecargo 63.22.13.175	5-Jul-06/12:02 PM
Also lovely (as is your other poem, I mean)--the Welsh words add a music to an already lyrical poems. The repeating verse is very strong. You have a gift for detail; a way of making the mundane details of life magical (as poetry should, I think). Consider me a fan! ;) You list this as "Other"--is it a particular form?
Re: Our Lady of the Rock by Zoe	ecargo 63.22.13.175	5-Jul-06/11:57 AM
Gorgeous in detail and language. You very obviously know your craft and art. Your punctuation is off sometimes, confusing: colons not serving as colons; semis that might as well be commas or not needed at all. Small nits (but even small things can throw off meaning and rhythm; can push the reader back up to the surface, out of the poem). But this is so lovely, I'd hate to nitpick at it. A couple of questions though: Is it the dawn shrieking in your second stanza? It's not quite clear. And this: "To stretch above and reach to wry brook-beds, is watching close: a man’s step (the bats squeal evening and night: always the flapping wings)." The watching close is the stretching and reading? And also a man's step? A little oblique, the meaning. I love the mix of ancient and modern. I don't find it jarring at all, the way you've done it here. The short version of all of this: I think it's terrific. Beautifully done.
Re: Songs of the hedge bird by ALChemy	Niphredil 132.69.238.35	5-Jul-06/10:54 AM
I hate to party poop, but the truth is that the happy little yellow bird doesn't know how to forage for food or where to sleep when it rains, and would probably end up being rejected by the flock, dripping and sad on a wet slippery branch, and have a pretty rough time of it altogether. ~ Niph, erstwhile misanthrope.
Re: Bedlam Bazaar by Zoe	Niphredil 132.69.238.35	5-Jul-06/10:47 AM
At the beginning I thought this was a gibberish poem with a Welsh twist, à la Lewis Carroll. However, I enjoyed it even without the translation, since it gave me the freedom to interpret the lines as I wished. Your imagery is most beautiful. At times, I really felt the lack of rhyming verses, precisely because of the careful meter and rhyming refrain (although I'm sure you meant it this way). On the whole, a lovely read.
Re: Our Lady of the Rock by Zoe	Dovina 17.255.240.138	5-Jul-06/10:32 AM
On first read, this is good. I don't have time now, but will get back
Re: Bedlam Bazaar by Zoe	Dovina 17.255.240.138	5-Jul-06/10:30 AM
Not knowing any Welsh, this is a lot of trouble to go through. Why not just use the English translations? The last verse is very nice.