Re: a comment on Guilt Trip by thepinkbunnyofdoom	thepinkbunnyofdoom 66.213.67.10	12-Aug-06/9:15 AM
*I'm should be I've.
Re: a comment on Guilt Trip by thepinkbunnyofdoom	thepinkbunnyofdoom 66.213.67.10	12-Aug-06/9:15 AM
Really? You don't say? I'm surprised you feel that way considering that all of my live audiences have loved it and clapped, every time I'm ever sung it.
Re: How To Ride a Bicycle by Dovina	ALChemy 71.75.188.163	12-Aug-06/9:02 AM
Kipling's "If" for bikers? Hey you left out: Don't let having a testicle removed stop you, it might even be a more comfortable ride. In honor of Lance Armstrong of course.
Re: 9. The Second Life by A db C	ALChemy 71.75.188.163	12-Aug-06/8:53 AM
That'll teach you to get on a charter flight with John Denver and JFK Jr.
Re: I Got the Romanian Flea-Bitten Blues by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	ALChemy 71.75.188.163	12-Aug-06/8:48 AM
Very good, but can you do Rap?
Re: Something More by drnick	ALChemy 71.75.188.163	12-Aug-06/8:42 AM
Damn you got rythm my brotha.
Re: 6. Retina by A db C	ALChemy 71.75.188.163	12-Aug-06/8:39 AM
Are you familier with the bonus track at the end of Tool's Undertow album by any chance?
Re: a comment on Suicide Dream by Ranger	ALChemy 71.75.188.163	12-Aug-06/4:54 AM
So far I see no poems by this "Freind" of yours although he might have once went under the name "Adriaan". If that's the case then Adriaan has only 5 free verse poems, the rest are hiakus and senryus or whatever the hell they're called and none of the poems seem very original to me at all. It's funny how much people nut in their skibbies over the word "poetry" like it's the holy grail of verbal expression. Any one how describes poetry as being all about emotions and getting the point across (like that's not the point of prose too) has been stroking their mandolin too long. Poetry is using sound and sometimes visual effects to enhance the experience of written word. Just because you're emotional and you have a point to make it doesn't mean you're a poet.
Re: 6. Retina by A db C	Ranger 86.131.57.119	12-Aug-06/1:26 AM
In such a short piece it's usually a good idea not to repeat the same word (meaning) if possible - it gives the impression of a lack of imagination (which you clearly don't lack, if these poems are anything to go by). I'd change 'meaninglessness' (a bit unpoetic?), 'mind's eye' (cliche) and 'where love lies freely, unleashed (doesn't add anything to the poem for me). Liked the first line and 'I stared at the sun to form the blur' a lot :-)
Re: a comment on Something More by drnick	Ranger 86.131.57.119	12-Aug-06/1:17 AM
I had a feeling you meant that. You've definitely made this format your own recently :-)
Re: I Got the Romanian Flea-Bitten Blues by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Ranger 86.131.57.119	12-Aug-06/1:15 AM
Good stuff. The ranker's missed you.
Re: 9. The Second Life by A db C	Ranger 86.131.57.119	12-Aug-06/1:13 AM
Good concept - is this following on from your other posts? you seem to have a well-thought story going on throughout. Actually, it seems a bit like an intro to an X-Files style story - I'd like to see how it concludes. As for the poetics, it feels a little rough-edged to me. I think you've done the drafting, now for the crafting :-)
Re: How To Ride a Bicycle by Dovina	Ranger 86.131.57.119	12-Aug-06/1:07 AM
Heh, I spent so much time on mine recently that this made me grin from ear to ear :-D
Re: a comment on Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	Ranger 86.131.57.119	12-Aug-06/1:05 AM
Thank you :-)
Re: a comment on Suicide Dream by Ranger	Ranger 86.131.57.119	12-Aug-06/1:05 AM
Rules? Where did I ever talk about rules? No literature follows absolute rules, otherwise how would Carrol, Lear, Joyce etc. have survived? I took great care to use 'guidelines' instead. Once again, in your determination to abuse me, you've failed to read what I wrote. The whole idea of poetry is that it's subject to various features which distinguish it from ordinary prose. Hence the existence of all the poetic devices (alliteration, assonance, onomatopoeia etc.) With the exception of some crude rhyme and rhythm, I don't remember seeing a single example of these devices in your friend's poem. What's more idiotic: careful, skilled manipulation of language or the slapping down of a bunch of basic emotive words? Now let's return to your original complaint, namely that I dared to criticise a published poet. As I've already said - and you appear to have ignored entirely - I did so to get discussion going with someone who I could potentially learn a few tricks from - and also because it was not a very effective or interesting poem. Before you explode with indignation at my rudeness, let me suggest something to you: 1) - she claimed to be a published poet, and as I'm a generous soul I assumed that meant 'published by a credible source'. 2) - some of her poems must be good enough for publication. 3 - the poem she posted was not good enough for publication (if it was, why was it on a public site?) 4) - therefore, the poem she posted was one of her weaker efforts, and she would be humble enough to acknowledge that she could do far better. 5) - as such, I wouldn't have received such a mountain of shit from her accomplices; instead I'd have learned something poetically useful. Seems I was wrong.
Re: flow-charts by FreeFormFixation	MacFrantic 71.208.112.134	12-Aug-06/1:00 AM
Ha! "Flows" perfectly. A wonderful statement. Especially liked the last three lines. Kudos.
Re: a comment on Suicide Dream by Ranger	Ranger 86.131.57.119	12-Aug-06/12:40 AM
No, just entertaining.
Re: a comment on Suicide Dream by Ranger	Ranger 86.131.57.119	12-Aug-06/12:39 AM
Hee, you remind me so much of what I was like at 15. Which would explain why your barrage didn't surprise me at all.
Re: a comment on Suicide Dream by Ranger	Ranger 86.131.57.119	12-Aug-06/12:32 AM
And herein lies the problem; when I was twelve I traded my heart for a pack of trading cards, a sherbet dip and a gilt-edged turbo-charged wheelchair. All my friends had skateboards, but since the accident happened I was unable to use one - so I put the wheels on sideways and tried to impersonate a crab. After that all my poetry came from my bowels.
Re: How To Ride a Bicycle by Dovina	leonxic 70.244.48.17	11-Aug-06/10:19 PM
Finally; direction.