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9. The Second Life (Free verse) by A db C
Arising, awakening, dizzy, shaking
Inside another body, person
I do not remember being, seeing.
Arms, elbows, wrists, veins
Actuating tremors, spasms;
Before arising to a new brain.
Legs, knees, back ache
As this body gets to its feet,
Another person with all my pains.
Glancing over the shoulder
To see survivors finding cover
From flames and petrol fumes
That rise as a choking pillar
To illuminate the gloom.
Walking off into the woods,
The trees by the A14;
A shortcut to the office
To leave the morning,
The crash victims behind me.
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.3333335
Weighted score: 5.0397344
Overall Rank: 7106
Posted: August 9, 2006 8:18 AM PDT; Last modified: August 9, 2006 8:18 AM PDT
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Comments:
136 view(s)
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As for the poetics, it feels a little rough-edged to me. I think you've done the drafting, now for the crafting :-)