| Re: a comment on Quatrain by ALChemy |
ALChemy 71.75.188.163 |
28-Aug-06/7:49 PM |
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Good to see you made it out of the mine tunnel. Could have sworn I saw you at Carowinds a few weeks ago.
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| Re: Quatrain by ALChemy |
zodiac 152.18.20.202 |
28-Aug-06/3:29 PM |
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Sic volo, sic jubeo, stet pro ratione voluntas.
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| Re: Drink and Swirl by MacFrantic |
Edna Sweetlove 85.210.222.197 |
28-Aug-06/1:18 AM |
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Odd but oddly beguiling. What's a picket fence?
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| Re: a comment on All Hail! All Hail! America The Golden! by Edna Sweetlove |
Edna Sweetlove 85.210.222.197 |
28-Aug-06/1:16 AM |
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Yes I found that quite illuminating. The only origin I knew of what "gardez l'eau"; the others sound equally possible. PS the lavatory is the shit-house in English.
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| Re: Preserves for the basement (Poe Poetry) by Bachus |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 66.108.184.20 |
27-Aug-06/2:55 PM |
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| Re: a comment on With Old Light by Ranger |
Ranger 86.137.108.181 |
27-Aug-06/12:55 PM |
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Yes, I see your point, especially with the shift from stanza 1 to the vineyards. I'll see what I can do about that, maybe I'll have to change the verses, maybe I can get away with putting an individual line between each verse.
It didn't occur to me that the mills would make people think of Holland - I'm probably too used to them being over here. Same goes for the vineyards, I guess. Thank you for your thoughts, they are always of use :-)
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| Re: a comment on Ending Well by Dovina |
Dovina 63.199.240.113 |
27-Aug-06/12:52 PM |
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It does make sense to me that this is bland. Actually, it's a compliment. He decided that his appeal as a man had disappeared, and with no hope of regaining it, he would blandly carry on. I disagree with his conclusion, but can't deny it.
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| Re: a comment on How To Ride a Bicycle by Dovina |
Dovina 63.199.240.113 |
27-Aug-06/12:48 PM |
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Thanks for the comment. But pedal clips are only good for racing, in my opinion. If you are riding for pleasure or for going to work, you might get there 1% faster with your feet attached to the pedals. The added danger and inconvenience are not worth it. And it's nice to be able to shift your feet on the pedals for variety.
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| Re: a comment on With Old Light by Ranger |
Dovina 63.199.240.113 |
27-Aug-06/12:44 PM |
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"When laughter meets like dust with wilting light" effective.
"When wedding bells no longer sound contrite" seems irrelivant to "I will have no need to bid adieu", though it's a nice line by itself.
"where honeybees and heather grew" sets a scene, but the vinyard seems to change it.
"every hour is a cobweb flecked with frost" - effective. But switching to a "rusted gateway" could maybe be "fastened to a rusty fence" or something to keep the thought going.
The "windmills" verse hold a metaphor throughout, though it sets a new scene; I think of Holland now, and move away from the vinyards.
This may be of no help, but it's some thoughts.
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| Re: How To Ride a Bicycle by Dovina |
Nicholas Jones 86.135.241.142 |
27-Aug-06/12:34 PM |
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This is nice, I guess. Though you're wrong about clipless pedals, they are a fantastic invention.
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| Re: a comment on Ending Well by Dovina |
Ranger 86.137.108.181 |
27-Aug-06/12:33 PM |
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I like the end rhymes in the final two lines of stanzas 1,2 and 4. If you can keep them and work in some subtle rhymes throughout, I think it would sound marvellous.
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| Re: a comment on With Old Light by Ranger |
Ranger 86.137.108.181 |
27-Aug-06/12:30 PM |
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You may well be right - which images/passages are effective/ineffective? I'm not at all happy with stanza one or stanza six in particular, and the final two lines of stanza five suck. That being said, I wanted this to be an assortment of loosely-connected images (mostly countryside scenes) although I started it so long ago (i.e. more than a day ago) that I can't remember why I wanted that.
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| Re: a comment on Ending Well by Dovina |
Dovina 63.199.240.113 |
27-Aug-06/12:25 PM |
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| Re: With Old Light by Ranger |
Dovina 63.199.240.113 |
27-Aug-06/12:23 PM |
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So many images and comparisons, it's mind-numbing. Some of them make sense to me, some are supurb, and some seem parenthetic or vague. I'd prefer more development before moving quickly to another metaphor. Perhaps just one main metaphor per verse, with variations on it.
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| Re: a comment on Ending Well by Dovina |
Ranger 86.137.108.181 |
27-Aug-06/12:17 PM |
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I was on holiday for the last couple of weeks; I have no intention of bailing, even with all the insults that have headed my way recently.
R.E. the rhymes - this feels like the sort of poem that would be very accommodating toward mid-line rhyming, just as a way of keeping a steady flow.
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| Re: a comment on Ending Well by Dovina |
Dovina 63.199.240.113 |
27-Aug-06/12:10 PM |
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Happy to see you too have not bailed. Only a few lines rhyme, and it might be better to unrhyme all of them. Thanks for coming back.
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| Re: a comment on With Old Light by Ranger |
Ranger 86.137.108.181 |
27-Aug-06/12:08 PM |
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| Re: a comment on A Poem For George Bush by Edna Sweetlove |
zodiac 152.18.29.24 |
27-Aug-06/7:09 AM |
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You are insane. You have no idea what you're talking about.
Incidentally, by no transliteration system in the world is it correct to write Ali Baba with hyphens. Especially not with two hyphens, as the word "Ali" in Arabic means 'big' or 'high' and the word 'Baba' means 'daddy'. But hey, way to speak for an entire people you have no real idea about! Nice!
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| Re: I want to slit my wrist and call it poetry by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
Edna Sweetlove 85.210.255.83 |
26-Aug-06/4:41 PM |
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Why not slit your throat and call it justice?
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| Re: Zinnias are a funny flower by Bachus |
Edna Sweetlove 85.210.255.83 |
26-Aug-06/4:40 PM |
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