| Re: a comment on Final Goregasm by creepshow |
creepshow 71.220.94.140 |
13-Sep-06/2:10 PM |
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How "Saucy" of you to ask...
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| Re: The Clock and the Storm by cleverdevice |
ecargo 167.219.88.140 |
13-Sep-06/9:48 AM |
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I like the ideas and imagery in this but I think it might be more effective as a poem if you were to mix things up a bit; remove some of the more direct analogies and make them less explicit. Also, I think it might have more impact if you started in the midst of the storm--your second to last stanza would be a nice starting point, IMO:
"Older than the house,
he has seen storms before . . .
I think mixing up the time progression (however you do it--flashback, comparison with current state, whatever) makes for more interesting narratives.
Anyway--lots to work with here--some good imagery and good ideas.
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| Re: When I Were a Duck by colbaby |
ecargo 167.219.88.140 |
13-Sep-06/9:37 AM |
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Hee--very cute. Could definitely see this in some illustrated book of poems for kiddies. Nice simple rhythm and a definite sense of whimsy to your story.
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| Re: Upon meeting Mrs Gunn at the Butchers by Mr Pig |
Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199 |
13-Sep-06/6:58 AM |
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Super, brings out the essence of of essential aceness.
Not that I am one to comment but a sprinkling of punctuation may make it easier to read.
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| Re: Dear Maggie by Stephen Robins |
Mr Pig 86.137.20.84 |
13-Sep-06/5:15 AM |
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I was wondering would you be so kind as to peruse my new poem based on upper class people conversing in a local convenience store.
Kind Regards
Laurence Piggott-Smythe.
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| Re: The Clock and the Storm by cleverdevice |
Mr Pig 86.137.20.84 |
13-Sep-06/4:57 AM |
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Have you seen the avengers?
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| Re: Solace by Miggy |
Mr Pig 86.137.20.84 |
13-Sep-06/4:56 AM |
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I've just sang this against Herb Alpert and the tijuana brass band with my accordion and by god its hot diggity dog.
Bravo my young fry.
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| Re: The Ice Soldier by MacFrantic |
Mr Pig 86.137.20.84 |
13-Sep-06/4:55 AM |
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I was expecting he would have ended up as water.
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| Re: Doubt by Dovina |
Mr Pig 86.137.20.84 |
13-Sep-06/4:54 AM |
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Noah played a blinder didnt he?
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| Re: Dear Maggie by Stephen Robins |
Mr Pig 86.137.20.84 |
13-Sep-06/4:52 AM |
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I met Brian Blessed once at Sherwood Forest when he was filming episode 5 of 'Robin of Sherwood'. I was an extra back then and if you watch very closely I am the Norman who fights him at the portcullis only to get an arrow in my thigh by Robin the hoodeth man.
Blessed was a smelly foul bumptuous cretin who moaned all the time that he should have played the part of Billy Corkhill in Brookside but was considered too fat.
Too bloody rotund more like.
Lovely poem anyway it kind of celebrates the feminine aura.
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| Re: Flood Land, East Kentucky by zodiac |
amanda_dcosta 202.164.139.228 |
13-Sep-06/3:09 AM |
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Hey, hey zodiac. Good to see you back. PR's been missing you.
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| Re: a comment on Solace by Miggy |
Ranger 86.131.60.124 |
12-Sep-06/10:08 PM |
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There's a hint of Harry Chapin in here, but not much. He'd have turned this into a proper story rather than a drawn-out moan. The first line has promise, Chapin-esque, but the rest loses that.
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| Re: Solace by Miggy |
drnick 24.176.22.254 |
12-Sep-06/10:02 PM |
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Are these country lyrics? Because when I think of country music I think of music for the musically disabled. I saw glimpses of something that could be something, but I think it's just another case in the jar.
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| Re: Fill Out That Paper by Wakeboarder20 |
Ranger 86.131.60.124 |
12-Sep-06/9:53 PM |
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| Re: Solace by Miggy |
Ranger 86.131.60.124 |
12-Sep-06/9:53 PM |
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"Just another case in the jar"? I could understand if it was the other way round. Am I missing something?
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| Re: Dinner With The Navy by colbaby |
Edna Sweetlove 85.210.204.89 |
12-Sep-06/1:30 PM |
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It's not often that I am reduced to tears of emotion when I read something here, and this is certainly not one of those occasions.
You have, with a brilliant turn of phrase, managed to combine illiteracy, stupidity, prejudice and ignorance into something approaching an art form. When I say art form, I am being euphemistic, not that you would know what a euphemism was even if it came and bit a hunk out of your ugly, obese leg.
How can I find words to describe your poem? Maybe if I go to the nearest public toilet I will find inspiration in the pan. If I can tolerate the pong, that is.
It is poems like this that make me appreciate the value of blindness.
PS. I fancy that Liza Minelli, don't you? Apart from her big Jewish nose that is."
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| Re: I Have a Brain That Glows In the Dark by colbaby |
Lifeboatman 203.177.138.82 |
12-Sep-06/8:02 AM |
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| Re: May I Cook Dinner? by colbaby |
Lifeboatman 203.177.138.82 |
12-Sep-06/7:30 AM |
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| Re: a limerick from kent by nentwined |
Ranger 81.151.9.127 |
12-Sep-06/12:10 AM |
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| Re: When I Were a Duck by colbaby |
Ranger 81.151.9.127 |
12-Sep-06/12:09 AM |
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