Re: Caveat by MacFrantic	drnick 141.218.121.241	11-Oct-06/11:49 AM
nice rhythem, but I think Dovina is right...pretty good otherwise.
Re: Timing by Dovina	drnick 141.218.121.241	11-Oct-06/11:47 AM
Story of my life.
Re: To My Love by Lola	drnick 141.218.121.241	11-Oct-06/11:45 AM
Now, lola, I'm going to be quite critical on this poem...not because I don't like you, but because you can do better than this. When you touch on the 'ol lovey-dovey subject we're gonna need something to wow us as the subject is way to common. In this, I get nothing I couldn't get from some cheesey pop song. I'll give you that it seems genuine, but we need something of substance here (i.e. literary devices). p.s. love sucks.
Re: a comment on Dead Inside by drnick	drnick 141.218.121.241	11-Oct-06/11:38 AM
really? thanks...I'm not sure I'm too impressed with it myself, but I'm glad you like it.
Re: a comment on Dead Inside by drnick	drnick 141.218.121.241	11-Oct-06/11:37 AM
Ah, the familiar '7' vote and a comment on my p & g...one of these days I'll submit a poem that even you will like.
Re: a comment on Dead Inside by drnick	drnick 141.218.121.241	11-Oct-06/11:35 AM
Well if you know anything about me, you should know that I HATE emo(emphasis on "HATE") and would never do something like that. Ya, you do need to write something...you're kind-of slacking and you know what they say about slackers: ...well, I don't know but I'm sure it's nothing good. No blog, I have plenty of shit to say, just no time.
Re: To My Love by Lola	Dovina 17.255.240.138	11-Oct-06/10:20 AM
I would question whether "no promises" weakens this love, and conflicts with "never-ending."
Re: Cassius by helenwales	Petit Robinet 59.100.128.128	11-Oct-06/6:05 AM
You know what it is to have a bite of pussycat in your bedridden-nudity alleged Helen of Wales? A pussycat in the bed makes for a poem, but not of “potential”. It is a DANGER. Material NOT "potential". See to them my scars? Look at my scars! Try stronger. Je te donne des SIX.
Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	Ranger 62.252.32.15	11-Oct-06/5:12 AM
Heat has fled this land; a hibernating squirrel dreams of maple buds
Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	nypoet22 72.144.83.200	11-Oct-06/5:01 AM
We gather kindling to light the parched wood, to warm our hands. (note, in an autumn kasen renga, stanzas 5-6 are about winter)
Re: A Sexy Crucifixion Poem by Edna Sweetlove	Hostileintent 86.41.196.150	11-Oct-06/4:47 AM
disgusting. try changing the characters to your mother and brother and see if its still as good.
Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	Ranger 62.252.32.15	11-Oct-06/4:42 AM
If you know someone who might want to, then invite them along for sure. I thought this would be a free-for-all, 'Beard My Homemade Negro Jesus' style effort, but with fewer Christly facial hair materials. In the meantime: Flower of the moon lies, wilted, on a moss-sprung mattress strewn with twigs
Re: Veins by helenwales	piedle 210.84.45.132	11-Oct-06/4:29 AM
it has the cheek of early Yeats, the wind resistance of byron, and eminems special sauce. I give it four out of four air pies.
Re: Screws by helenwales	nypoet22 72.144.83.200	11-Oct-06/4:25 AM
one of these years i'll visit my cousins in wales. good stuff.
Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	nypoet22 72.144.83.200	11-Oct-06/4:04 AM
i'll write the second stanza. maybe we should enlist a third poet? A stiff gust of autumn tugs at dried brittle summer moons(jle)
Re: love song by <~>	Ranger 62.252.32.15	11-Oct-06/3:30 AM
Mmmmm...still turns me on....haven't played for years though, maybe I should take it up again.
Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	Ranger 62.252.32.15	11-Oct-06/3:21 AM
Well I suck at haikus, but here goes: September's slow, soft Caterpillar rain-crawl down the last gold oak leaves
Re: Music That Cannot Exist by Fetylum	Ranger 62.252.32.15	11-Oct-06/3:13 AM
I vaguely remember reading this years ago. The blue butterflies seem to be blue flashing lights on the windscreen. Maybe your heads are bobbing in time with the sirens? Having set it up with 'Don't smoke crack' this could be a computer game that appears totally real at the time. 'Homey cliffside'? I don't get that, maybe it's more American than I'm used to. Could do with some of the commas disappearing, but this was a pretty fun read :-)
Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	nypoet22 72.144.83.200	11-Oct-06/3:06 AM
here's an example: http://www.ahapoetry.com/ahalynx/213sym.html
Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	nypoet22 72.144.83.200	11-Oct-06/2:55 AM
an actual renga, of which the above is really just a rough copy, is described by padgett's handbook of poetic forms as a long, image-filled poem, from which came the later forms of haiku and senryu. each stanza contains some sort of link to the one before it, but not to the one before that. unlike my poem, the old fashioned renga alternates stanzas of three lines and two. as far as i can tell it is not as strict about keeping syllabic meter, though from the ones i've seen the lines seem to stay pretty short. 36 stanzas is the most popular length, though in the past they frequently ranged in the hundreds. the opening stanza (hokku) should suggest a season and place (this is where haiku comes from, and often a renga opens with a haiku); subsequent verses may be either about the beauty of nature (like haiku) or the humor of humanity (like senryu). each stanza should be somehow linked to the stanza before it, but not to the stanza before that. the renga is supposed to kind-of jump around from theme to theme, and the image of each subsequent stanza may connect by parallel image, contrasting image, shift of focus to a different aspect of the same image, pun, play on words, same mood, contrasting mood, etc. the first 8 stanzas are described as a party's beginning, a somewhat formal introduction; the middle 20-ish are like the heart of the party where you loosen up a little; the last 6-8 are like the party's end, clearing things up and getting ready to go home. when done as a group, each poet adds a verse and passes it on to the next.