Re: Ode to the Bun by Stephen Robins	Nicholas Jones 81.154.134.97	10-Dec-06/4:51 AM
Laughable.
Re: a comment on The Mountain by Nicholas Jones	Nicholas Jones 81.154.134.97	9-Dec-06/3:43 PM
Thanks, I'm glad it creeps you out, I think this means the poem works.
Re: Ode to the Bun by Stephen Robins	some deleted user 64.140.228.131	9-Dec-06/10:51 AM
hilarious!
Re: a comment on The life of a clerk by Schlinkey	Schlinkey 193.90.152.161	9-Dec-06/6:50 AM
Yup, when I revise this one I'll cut out some of the abundant words. Thanks for the comment!
Re: Particle Deceleration by MacFrantic	Dovina 208.127.72.72	9-Dec-06/6:23 AM
The last two lines seem unsupported by the rest. I think "doom" is too telling; we get the point without it. Otherwise good.
Re: The life of a clerk by Schlinkey	Dovina 208.127.72.72	9-Dec-06/6:18 AM
"but 'ware" could be "beware" I think. Some repetition of ideas and a few too many words, like "always" in Line 2. "Fear not the scarecrow" is good.
Re: a comment on Ramblings of a Clerk by Schlinkey	Schlinkey 62.16.135.98	8-Dec-06/9:24 AM
Ack ;p
Re: She dreams by amanda_dcosta	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	8-Dec-06/8:57 AM
Like a big bowl of cornflakes.
Re: Instruction by Dovina	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	8-Dec-06/8:48 AM
Wooly and ultimately a bit of a failure. Shame it semmed infused with the portents of excellence, only to leave one slightly stained.
Re: Self Portrait by Dovina	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	8-Dec-06/8:44 AM
Tired, sweaty and rather desperate.
Re: Ramblings of a Clerk by Schlinkey	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	8-Dec-06/8:44 AM
Turgid, dry and ultimately disappointing.
Re: a comment on The life of a clerk by Schlinkey	Schlinkey 129.242.154.124	8-Dec-06/6:23 AM
I will have to agree; this is more or less a word-jam, made just to fiddle more with this clerk-character. The "metre" consists merely of syllable counting. If I get the time to revise this, I think I'll do as you say; vary the syllable count, and instead play with different metres! :)
Re: Prayer by amanda_dcosta	some deleted user 64.140.228.119	8-Dec-06/5:51 AM
This is a nice post Amanda. What appeals to me most is the way you break your lines--something I have trouble with--keep up the good work.
Re: Dammit by Cha no Onna	bwaha 216.162.88.130	8-Dec-06/5:51 AM
cute
Re: Particle Deceleration by MacFrantic	Ranger 62.252.32.15	8-Dec-06/5:15 AM
Well, I think this is marvellous to read but if you want me to find any meanings below the surface it'll have to wait awhile.
Re: Prayer by amanda_dcosta	Ranger 62.252.32.15	8-Dec-06/5:14 AM
I'm tempted to suggest adding rhymes to this - it needs to move a little more easily.
Re: The life of a clerk by Schlinkey	Ranger 62.252.32.15	8-Dec-06/5:10 AM
I like the idea, but it's overdone in a few places; toning down the language here and there would work well for me. Also, you keep a strict pentameter as far as I can see, but the metre's messy - it's mostly where the 'big words' come in, but you can also get away with varying the syllable count now and then to play with the metre.
Re: I want to press my fingertips by bwaha	Ranger 62.252.32.15	8-Dec-06/5:02 AM
Nice. Reminds me a bit of "i like my body when it is with your body".
Re: Self Portrait by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	8-Dec-06/5:00 AM
Too many uses of 'his' in the first two lines for my liking - change it to '...dips a brush'. Not sure about a contemplative hat, but I do like the rest. 'Clad in kindness/optimistic likeness' is a really good bit of wordplay there.
Re: The Mountain by Nicholas Jones	Ranger 62.252.32.15	8-Dec-06/4:57 AM
You must have known that anonymous turd was inevitable. But hey. This is great, although 'around' (line 1) probably sounds better as just 'round', and 'I believed that you were actually dying' fucking creeps me out. It moves really well, really quickly, and the last line is a killer.