Re: a comment on Consider the Grass by Dovina	Dovina 24.224.5.72	1-Jul-07/1:52 PM
I've changed it. Hope I didn't ruin it for you.
Re: a comment on Consider the Grass by Dovina	Dovina 24.224.5.72	1-Jul-07/1:50 PM
Always the feeler of sway, hearer of rustling leaves, of rising accent, river’s current. Doctrinally, of charismatic leaning, I suspect—the feel and flow of grass superceding its sound religious dogma. Your awe may come with gentle wind that tosses heads in rhythmic waves, mine beneath a concrete cylinder rising tall above a wheatfield town. Please don’t change. And look again for sway; I’ve breathed on it.
Re: a comment on Consider the Grass by Dovina	Dovina 24.224.5.72	1-Jul-07/1:49 PM
I have a memory of the Grassland, the Great Plain between the Rockies and the Ozarks, a conclusion from a collection of observations, most of which have passed from mind. In that sense I must say that those observations did not take place and only my image of their whole remains, an impression. I have memory images that correspond to sensual observations in the past. “Interesting how your mind works with what you see,” as you say. And I may be imagining rather than remembering. Only rockmage mentalities deny this.
Re: Consider the Grass by Dovina	PsydewaysTears 67.189.95.182	1-Jul-07/12:56 PM
very strong ending, loved this upon finishing it
Re: Lullaby by lexxie100	Ranger 81.158.79.189	1-Jul-07/3:21 AM
Nice.
Re: Consider the Grass by Dovina	Ranger 81.158.79.189	1-Jul-07/3:20 AM
The images are good and in places you hint at a swaying rhythm which is ace, but you don't sustain it. The final stanza is marvellous.
Re: Deeper by Skamper	Ranger 81.158.79.189	1-Jul-07/3:18 AM
Punctuate the end of line two, otherwise it reads: I do not fear love nearly as much as I should frighten me some more. Which is a little confusing.
Re: light [edited] by lmp	Ranger 81.158.79.189	1-Jul-07/3:16 AM
Unless you're sleeping with bacon, the rind wants explaining in the title. You give us the light in the poem, so the title's free to do a bit more work. Nice image, now that I know what it's about.
Re: courtyard by lmp	Ranger 81.158.79.189	1-Jul-07/3:14 AM
I like the irregular drip-drip sound you get with the indentations and line breaks, although I don't think that 'melody' is the word you want in this.
Re: A See-Through Prayer by PsydewaysTears	Ranger 81.158.79.189	1-Jul-07/3:12 AM
I rather like this, although it is pretty much a dictionary of romantic imagery.
Re: Why Do We Stay? by nypoet22	Ranger 81.158.79.189	1-Jul-07/3:11 AM
What does Alex think would have happened if Iraq had been left alone? Good poeme though.
Re: Summer Festival by Christof	Ranger 81.158.79.189	1-Jul-07/3:09 AM
If we want to solve third world water shortage, all we need to do is get Somalia to host Glastonbury and Wimbledon. 'Loose-limbed' is a bit cliche.
Re: Teddy Bear by lexxie100	Ranger 81.158.79.189	1-Jul-07/3:04 AM
Nothing wrong with this poem, now look to improve your use of meter and imagery. A good book for learning the technical stuff is Stephen Fry's 'The Ode Less Travelled'. You'll be fine.
Re: a comment on (Title pending) by INTRANSIT	Ranger 81.158.79.189	1-Jul-07/3:01 AM
Pinna Cochlea - that ought to be a cocktail.
Re: Immigrant by Christof	Ranger 81.158.79.189	1-Jul-07/2:59 AM
Indeed. Meter trips, and I'm not sure I like the abundance of articles in lines 1-3. After that it's good.
Re: a comment on Deeper by Skamper	Skamper 202.6.130.120	30-Jun-07/6:18 PM
oh - you are just cruel!!
Re: Lullaby by lexxie100	Skamper 202.6.130.120	30-Jun-07/6:16 PM
You don't need the 'night' in nightlight - we know it's dark you told us that in the first line of the second verse. Unless you are referring to the light a child may need to sleep with? Still you mention night again in line four - the flow would work better without the extra night.
Re: Consider the Grass by Dovina	Skamper 202.6.130.120	30-Jun-07/6:12 PM
Surprising you find awe in grass - something I've never even considered to be wondered over. The first two lines in the last stanza bring an instant response of awe...but the grass! Interesting how your mind works with what you see.
Re: a comment on Deeper by Skamper	Skamper 202.6.130.120	30-Jun-07/6:00 PM
no - the fear would be gone, replaced by sadness and mourning.
Re: courtyard by lmp	Skamper 202.6.130.120	30-Jun-07/5:58 PM
why the spacings now? I have seen this done in a few poems and don't get the idea behind it.